Wednesday 27 June 2012

What a morning

By 10am I have had breakfast, got dressed, caught up on emails, written a blog post or two, done two loads of washing, hung two loads up to dry, put dry clothes away, done the dishes, got my tax spreadsheet and paperwork up to date and stripped the bed ready to wash the covers.

Almost time to put the third load of washing on. Then I'll go into town to do some last minute grocery shopping and get some final bits and bobs for my wedding outfit, before going off to do some counselling. Finally, I shall head home to pick up Siy's trousers from the dry cleaners, make 30 little boxes, wrap their contents and make dinner.

I'm hoping for an early night. What do we think are the chances of that?

Mixed feelings about my wedding

I dreamed of my aunt last night. I was lying in bed and I could hear her laughter and her voice floating up from the ground floor. As I slowly rose into consciousness I realised it was just a dream and I remembered that she was gone.

I am acutely aware that my wedding day is the first anniversary of her death and so I have very mixed feelings about this week. Amidst the usual wedding stress I have been experiencing little flashes of excitement, but also tears. I keep remembering the day she died, as I cycled home from work looking down on the lights of Reading. I had a phone message from my Mama telling me to call and I knew in my heart that she had died.

Now, as I sit here typing, I am full of grief and I wish so much that I could hear her voice again, catch her contagious laughter and listen to her dry Croatian humour. I wish she was still here, because I know how happy she would have been and how much she would have liked my man, had she ever had a chance to get to know him. The only thing that consoles me is that before she went I told her that he was the one for me and she smiled and told me this was good.

Thinking of her always.

Tuesday 26 June 2012

Fairies' horses

I found out today that Croatian for 'dragonfly' is 'fairy's horse' and I am completely enchanted by this image.

Humour, or lack of

That was the first joke in weeks that I found funny. Stress can disable my sense of humour. My poor man.

I ask you all kindly, please be very, very nice to me this week and don't tell me any of your stresses.

"How are you?" this week, from me, requires you to think, very hard if necessary, of all the good things in your life. You can share those with me. That would make me happy.

Thank you for your attention. :-)

Counsellors and light bulbs

How many counsellors does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb really needs to want to change.

Boom boom! :-)

Wednesday 20 June 2012

Falling in love

I wrote this a while ago and thought it might be a good time to share it.

"Falling in love, I had always thought, was electric – a passionate frisson of fire, chemistry and jumping sparks, with a nervous uncertainty deep inside. Love, I thought, by definition, made one anxious and on edge, unable to think of anything or anyone else when alone, and totally absorbed in it and by it when with the object of this love. It had never occurred to me that it could be this gentle, natural sun‑warming. It had never occurred to me before that electricity was man-made and is a temporary means of creating a light that fills your world for a moment, sometimes blinding you to what’s behind it, like a spotlight or a torch shining in your eyes. It never occurred to me that it’s the sun that has always been – burning brighter without blinding, and for longer without ending – a source of light that not only lights the way, but that warms your skin and heart and that, when you turn your face up towards it, casts all shadows behind you."

Saturday 16 June 2012

Art installation

So I was in the ladies in the Tate Modern and I noticed this butterfly.

I stared a while, assuming he was an intricate installation, then I got curious and gently touched his antennae. They moved ever so slightly. Then I touched a foot and he hopped back a tiny bit. I couldn't work out if he was real or not, unsure how good art can be. Eventually, after noticing a wing was damaged quite badly, I decided that I didn't care if I'd got it wrong and he was make believe, I had to tell someone. I couldn't bear the idea of him dying in a toilet rather than free in nature or on a leaf. It turned out that he'd escaped from an installation and someone was sent in to retrieve him.

I felt relief that he was rescued, but now I can't help wondering if I did the right thing. Either way, I'm glad he didn't stay in the toilets and I'm glad I saw him and noticed the life in him.


Wednesday 13 June 2012

Compliments

"Hi gorgeous," "sexy lady," even a wolf whistle, I can take and I can enjoy the compliment, but "whoarr, look at that" followed by a raspberry does not go down well and neither does it make you attractive in any way, shape or form.

Gentlemen, please refine your compliments.

Surprises

I like surprises.

Yesterday my lovely man's dulcet tones floated through the flat to inform me that a flashing package had arrived in the post. I thought he was joking, but he was indeed correct. An envelope was flashing red from the inside. So exciting!

It turned out to be a set of pink flower bicycle lights all the way from Norway, the coolest lights I've ever seen! The back one is on my seat post and the front on my handlebars. I love them - thank you my Norwegian happiness senders!

Pink flower front light, on handlebars next to bell