Not posted for a while and there's a reason for that...a cranky (non)sleeping baby.
He's been waking me every hour at night and taking hours to fall asleep during the daytime, preceded by screaming fits. I've been told that breastfed co-sleeping babies do tend to feed more, but seven times a night at five months old?? I don't think so.
Anyway, I bought a sleep book (the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley) and carefully plotted my sleep logs to see what was going on - in the daytime, his pre-bedtime routine and his night time awakenings and feedings. We've worked out that he was going to bed too late and not getting enough sleep (day or night). His early "I'm tired" cues are lifts in social engagement - he gets silly, playful, over giggly, starts blowing raspberries in the face of anyone who'll have them. We put him to bed at 8.15pm the first night we tried an earlier night, then 7.45pm the next night and finally he was asleep by 7.30pm last night. In the daytime I focus on having a peaceful afternoon and trying to ensure he gets a good series of naps - usually in the car driving to and from places, when we go for a nice walk or just in the sling. My priority, in the daytime, is to ensure he falls asleep and gets good sleep, so that come evening, he won't be overtired.
We also realised that our evenings were not as relaxed as they ought to be to get a baby sleepy - too much loud chat, too much activity, and a super bright light in the bathroom perfectly in time for bedtime. So we've decided to be more peaceful in the evenings (no monster-daddy or aeroplanes and no Skype chat with family) and we use a dimmer light once he's upstairs - which conveniently has a fan attached to it, so it produces gentle white noise at the same time.
Last night my (currently deeply adored) husband decided I should sleep on the side of the bed away from our baby and he would sleep next to the three-sided cot, as the other instruction we've decided to use is to "pretend to be asleep" when the boy mutters or begins to wake up. The boy has got used to being nursed to sleep and fights me if I try to get him to sleep any other way - understandably, as this is what he's always been given. Who'd chose to lie on his own in a cot (even with mama next to him) if he could be snuggled up against a nice big warm boob? Sometimes, all he would do at night (once positioned on my feeding cushion with me sitting up in bed) would be to snuggle up to my boob and promptly fall asleep...waking the second I moved in any way.
So, my lovely man took on the night shift. When baby boy stirred he left him, if he stirred more, he'd shhh the boy (but then get bored and fall asleep), and if he really kicked off (which in the big scheme of things wasn't a real kick off, but a cry of protestation and indignation, and probably irritation), he'd hand him over to mama for a feed. Down from seven feeds, we had three last night, with only a half hour of wakefulness down from 1.5 hours; and the boy is still sleeping. He's now had 11 hours sleep, which is what he ought to have...though he missed an hour nap last night, so I'm hoping he'll sleep longer.
I am overjoyed and delighted and slept better last night than I have in weeks...and my horrid cold is much improved from last night...and this clearly works. I might have to enlist the man's help another few nights to get the boy used to this new routine and pattern of night time activity.
Finally, to aid sleep time in the car, I bought a couple of white noise CDs. I've only listed to one so far (the BabyCalm CD) and it was fairly miraculous in how it calmed him. It's staying in the car. No more Craig David for my husband. The CD is a loud heartbeat track over an oscillating white noise track, a bit like waves on a beach. I could almost fall asleep to it myself.
There are always solutions to every problem, of that I am convinced, and I'm currently finding it for this one. Please keep all your fingers and toes crossed for me!
the random ponderings of an ordinary person
Friday 28 February 2014
Friday 14 February 2014
Sunday 9 February 2014
Little girl enjoying rain
Came across this video of a little girl enjoying rain. Beautiful reaction to exploring, adventure and nature. I love it!
Friday 7 February 2014
Morning meditation
My work is done and I feel human again.
I got up at 6.30am this morning so I could have a shower before the man left for work. This might sound hideous to those without kids (as it would have done for me before the boy arrived!), but for me, now, it was heaven. The lights off and candles burning next to my new fern, I showered in a warm steamy room with my favourite lavender and geranium shower gel. It was a meditation in itself.
Now that my work is done and I am calmer again, my boy is calmer and we both slept soundly. I realise that taking time out at the start of the day for peace, to empty my mind and set myself up for the day ahead, is more important than an extra half hour sleep. For my own and my boy's happiness (and for marital bliss!) I need to take time out for my mind.
Today has started well and I am contented.
I got up at 6.30am this morning so I could have a shower before the man left for work. This might sound hideous to those without kids (as it would have done for me before the boy arrived!), but for me, now, it was heaven. The lights off and candles burning next to my new fern, I showered in a warm steamy room with my favourite lavender and geranium shower gel. It was a meditation in itself.
Now that my work is done and I am calmer again, my boy is calmer and we both slept soundly. I realise that taking time out at the start of the day for peace, to empty my mind and set myself up for the day ahead, is more important than an extra half hour sleep. For my own and my boy's happiness (and for marital bliss!) I need to take time out for my mind.
Today has started well and I am contented.
Thursday 6 February 2014
Today's achievements
Today we woke early and had a peaceful breakfast together. The boy fell asleep at a sensible time for his early morning nap and we drove to a friend's house for a lovely pilates session. I drove down a tiny country lane and wasn't scared.
We left for the hospital for my arthritis check up and I accidentally drove a route using a motorway. I wasn't scared. Admittedly I was only on it for one small stretch between two junctions and I was stuck behind a slow moving vehicle recovery truck, but we were still doing 60 mph and I wasn't scared. I am no longer a motorway virgin!
Instead of rushing, we took it slowly at the hospital. I no longer get scary flashbacks of his birth, but find it a peaceful place to be. We walked slowly and we rested. I bought lunch at the cafe while I waited for my prescription and I fed him on a chair in the corridor when he got hungry - a nice quiet side corridor. He looked around with interest and smiled and charmed all the nurses and old ladies, who all told me I have an exceptionally beautiful baby.
It was nice to relax and not rush. It was nice to take it at our own pace. So many times I've found it stressful going out and about and it's because I try and fit things in, I try too hard to make things work, to find control. Slowing down makes everything enjoyable - slowing down and relinquishing control - whether it's using a new road, a motorway, a scary roundabout or just going for medical appointments. Everything can become enjoyable.
Baby boy kindly fell asleep on the way home, though he had a long period of crying before he did so, but for some reason it didn't stress me out. I knew he was fed, his nappy couldn't have been too wet as it had been changed an hour beforehand and he had burped. I knew his tears were of frustrated tiredness and that sleep would solve all his woes.
Incidentally, the steroids seem to have solved the problem of the arthritis for now and the consultant told me it is very common post-pregnancy and no-one seems to know why...and there is no evidence for food being a trigger...but that there is no evidence because there is no research and that I ought to do whatever I find suits me best. Ridiculous advice. Anyway, I'm on steroids for another few weeks, but a loser dose each week.
It is bliss to no longer be in pain - no physical pain in my hands and no mental pain of stress or anxiety. The house is peaceful save for the sound of my son snoring, the rain pattering on the windowpanes and the click-clacking of my fingers on the keys of my laptop.
Bliss is freedom from pain.
We left for the hospital for my arthritis check up and I accidentally drove a route using a motorway. I wasn't scared. Admittedly I was only on it for one small stretch between two junctions and I was stuck behind a slow moving vehicle recovery truck, but we were still doing 60 mph and I wasn't scared. I am no longer a motorway virgin!
Instead of rushing, we took it slowly at the hospital. I no longer get scary flashbacks of his birth, but find it a peaceful place to be. We walked slowly and we rested. I bought lunch at the cafe while I waited for my prescription and I fed him on a chair in the corridor when he got hungry - a nice quiet side corridor. He looked around with interest and smiled and charmed all the nurses and old ladies, who all told me I have an exceptionally beautiful baby.
It was nice to relax and not rush. It was nice to take it at our own pace. So many times I've found it stressful going out and about and it's because I try and fit things in, I try too hard to make things work, to find control. Slowing down makes everything enjoyable - slowing down and relinquishing control - whether it's using a new road, a motorway, a scary roundabout or just going for medical appointments. Everything can become enjoyable.
Baby boy kindly fell asleep on the way home, though he had a long period of crying before he did so, but for some reason it didn't stress me out. I knew he was fed, his nappy couldn't have been too wet as it had been changed an hour beforehand and he had burped. I knew his tears were of frustrated tiredness and that sleep would solve all his woes.
Incidentally, the steroids seem to have solved the problem of the arthritis for now and the consultant told me it is very common post-pregnancy and no-one seems to know why...and there is no evidence for food being a trigger...but that there is no evidence because there is no research and that I ought to do whatever I find suits me best. Ridiculous advice. Anyway, I'm on steroids for another few weeks, but a loser dose each week.
It is bliss to no longer be in pain - no physical pain in my hands and no mental pain of stress or anxiety. The house is peaceful save for the sound of my son snoring, the rain pattering on the windowpanes and the click-clacking of my fingers on the keys of my laptop.
Bliss is freedom from pain.
Monday 3 February 2014
Today's accessories
Today I have primarily been wearing my son's snot and dribble. He hates having his nose wiped and screams blue murder when I try. He has also swiftly realised that a quick head turn (and wipe on my clothes) makes the need for me wiping his snout redundant.
I also killed a mosquito in the kitchen. This time of year? At least I shan't be sporting any mossie bites.
I also killed a mosquito in the kitchen. This time of year? At least I shan't be sporting any mossie bites.
Serenity
I've been having thoughts about nighttimes. So many people tell me that their little ones sleep through the night, already, at four or five months. So many people tell me to feed him formula last thing at night, so I get a full night's sleep. I don't want to. I struggled for over a month, expressing eight times a day, just to get my milk supply up so I could feed my boy the stuff he needs most, and I'm not going to stop now, just so that I can sleep through the night. I've never slept through the night anyway, not even before my boy came into being, so why should I start now?
I just read this post about night feeds, shared with me by a friend. The thing that strikes me too is the serenity of our nighttime moments. Of course, they're not always serene, I'd be a liar if I said they were, but they are precious and they are meditation.
Read the post, if you wish, here.
I get what she says, this mama across the other side of the world. I love the moments at night when my boy is snuggled up, filling his little belly. I love knowing that he's having the food he needs, when he needs it. Even last night, when he screamed for ages because of his horrid cold, I rocked him and soothed him and held him, and it was good. I was in the present moment with my little boy, all other anxieties or frustrations of life gone from my mind. I also found serenity.
I just read this post about night feeds, shared with me by a friend. The thing that strikes me too is the serenity of our nighttime moments. Of course, they're not always serene, I'd be a liar if I said they were, but they are precious and they are meditation.
Read the post, if you wish, here.
I get what she says, this mama across the other side of the world. I love the moments at night when my boy is snuggled up, filling his little belly. I love knowing that he's having the food he needs, when he needs it. Even last night, when he screamed for ages because of his horrid cold, I rocked him and soothed him and held him, and it was good. I was in the present moment with my little boy, all other anxieties or frustrations of life gone from my mind. I also found serenity.
Sunday 2 February 2014
Contemplations on sanity
It's a fine line between sanity and madness.
I now realise it was a mistake to take on ten 'keep in touch' days with a four-month old child. He has been well looked after by myself, my mother and his father, the work has gone well, the house has been kept clean and tidy. Everything has been well managed. Everything, that is, except my own mind. Some days I have felt totally overwhelmed and miserable, angry with myself and everyone else. I have been horrible and grumpy. I have been drowning in my own tears. I have felt as if I was in a black hole ten million miles beneath the earth. I have also been taking steroids for the arthritis and don't know if these have also been affecting my mind.
I see myself as someone who can cope with anything and everything, but I now see that this isn't true. I am not superwoman. I am not perfect. I am not the best version of myself that I could be. This imperfection isn't because I can't do everything and be happy; it's because I struggle to accept that I can't do everything and be happy. I struggle to accept anything less than superwoman of myself.
These last few weeks are teaching me to let go of control (as did my pregnancy and all the time since my son was born). These last few weeks are teaching me to allow someone else to cook dinner for me, to allow someone else to clean the kitchen their way not mine, to allow someone to cuddle my son when he cries, to allow someone else to be awake when my son needs someone to be awake, to not always put myself in the position of 'the person who has to do something'. I am learning to appreciate what people can do for me (and what they make so much effort to do), rather than focusing on what they don't do from all the things I write out in little lists.
These last few weeks have also taught me that I need to be stricter with myself and kinder to others - that is, to allow others to help me rather than trying to do it all myself, in the process turning into a crazy and adrenaline-fuelled whirlwind that pushes everyone else away. I am learning to let others support me. I am learning to let others be better than me. I don't know where this need to always be the best has come from, but it no longer serves me. I don't always need to be the best. I can't. And - something I have only just realised - in my striving to always be best, I become miserable, moody and far less than the person I ever want or wish to be.
Last week I started a new routine of activity with my son in the mornings, followed by 'me' time - at the moment, for working, but once this is done, it will be for me to do other stuff, followed by a walk outside if my son cannot sleep or needs a break from the house. Right now, I am sitting outside in the sunshine, working on my laptop, while my man cleans the house and looks after our son and I find that balance has been restored to my mind.
The time came for a sanity check and I only just scraped a pass. The time has come for a radical shift in how I see myself and my place in my world. The time has come for me to learn flexibility of self-perception and role. The time has come to be kinder to myself and to others.
I now realise it was a mistake to take on ten 'keep in touch' days with a four-month old child. He has been well looked after by myself, my mother and his father, the work has gone well, the house has been kept clean and tidy. Everything has been well managed. Everything, that is, except my own mind. Some days I have felt totally overwhelmed and miserable, angry with myself and everyone else. I have been horrible and grumpy. I have been drowning in my own tears. I have felt as if I was in a black hole ten million miles beneath the earth. I have also been taking steroids for the arthritis and don't know if these have also been affecting my mind.
I see myself as someone who can cope with anything and everything, but I now see that this isn't true. I am not superwoman. I am not perfect. I am not the best version of myself that I could be. This imperfection isn't because I can't do everything and be happy; it's because I struggle to accept that I can't do everything and be happy. I struggle to accept anything less than superwoman of myself.
These last few weeks are teaching me to let go of control (as did my pregnancy and all the time since my son was born). These last few weeks are teaching me to allow someone else to cook dinner for me, to allow someone else to clean the kitchen their way not mine, to allow someone to cuddle my son when he cries, to allow someone else to be awake when my son needs someone to be awake, to not always put myself in the position of 'the person who has to do something'. I am learning to appreciate what people can do for me (and what they make so much effort to do), rather than focusing on what they don't do from all the things I write out in little lists.
These last few weeks have also taught me that I need to be stricter with myself and kinder to others - that is, to allow others to help me rather than trying to do it all myself, in the process turning into a crazy and adrenaline-fuelled whirlwind that pushes everyone else away. I am learning to let others support me. I am learning to let others be better than me. I don't know where this need to always be the best has come from, but it no longer serves me. I don't always need to be the best. I can't. And - something I have only just realised - in my striving to always be best, I become miserable, moody and far less than the person I ever want or wish to be.
Last week I started a new routine of activity with my son in the mornings, followed by 'me' time - at the moment, for working, but once this is done, it will be for me to do other stuff, followed by a walk outside if my son cannot sleep or needs a break from the house. Right now, I am sitting outside in the sunshine, working on my laptop, while my man cleans the house and looks after our son and I find that balance has been restored to my mind.
The time came for a sanity check and I only just scraped a pass. The time has come for a radical shift in how I see myself and my place in my world. The time has come for me to learn flexibility of self-perception and role. The time has come to be kinder to myself and to others.