Little things of beauty

Flower my son made for me out of cheese wax. 💕 Little things of beauty. ✨

Beauty in the mundane

My son and my mama taught me and remind me to always see the beauty in tiny things every single day, no matter how mundane my activities. We are truly blessed to have such wonder in our lives. Just need to keep our eyes open. ❤️

Clever kids

So the kids booby trapped the damn front door to stop burglars while we were away. I forgot. I tripped up! Thank goodness I went in first rather than when carrying a sleeping child. 😂😂😂

End of term rules of parenting

End of term tiredness

One is putting Paw Patrol pups into her glass of water and drowning the dining room in the process; the other is filling an old toilet roll with toilet paper and making a wet soggy mess of the toilet.

It's the first time they're not fighting all week AND they're effectively helping clean the floors. Result! 🤩

Croatian Christmas

Mlinci...mouth watering. Already had strudel at my mama's this weekend. ❤️ Miss the Croatian Xmas treats we always had...and love the wheat grass we always had on the tables. Bright green reminders of life after winter.

Croatian Christmas foods

Toddler naming

Apparently my right boob is called "milkies" and the left is "milky surprise." 😂

We're so close to the end of our breastfeeding journey, not quite yet, but almost there...the ending initiated by me. So far it's been been four years and nine months (one kid and then another). I'm going to be happy to end, but this for me is one of the joys of breastfeeding a talking child - their comments about breastfeeding are amusing, sweet and lovely. I haven't regretted a moment of an often challenging journey. ❤️

Logic of a two year old

Daughter: I wonder what I'll be when I'm older.
Me: well girls usually become big girls and then ladies.
Daughter: I mean, I wonder if I'll be a firefighter...
Me: oh. Maybe.
Daughter: yeah, a firefighter or a pig.
Me: why would you be a pig?
Daughter: well, pigs have noses.
Me: erm, yes...

Goodnight wishes

My five year old son fell asleep saying to me:

"Stay awesome, share the love, peace to all!" ❤️

Evening moon

Silver sliver.

Different ways of playing

Son last night: I've been playing with my sister's unicorns!

Me: that's nice, darling.

Son: yes, they've all been eating the big orange one.

Me: 😲

Today's ups, downs and bumps

Daughter went back to sleep at 4am. Yay! Lovely visit from a truly lovely friend. Son got star of the week - I'm SO proud! Someone (gently) crashed into the back of me when I was patiently waiting for cars to get out of my way (breaking her bumper but doing nothing to my car apart from leaving bits of blue paint as evidence). Daughter ASKED for apple. And ate it. Yay! All round, once the shaking fear from being bumped fades, a very good day.

Today's crafting...

My little physicist

A picture of a man talking, you can see the soundwaves he's making. By my five year old son.

Goats only

According to my two year old daughter, this sign means only goats are allowed! 😂😂

Parents' evening

Rocked up with seconds to spare for our son's first parents evening, out of breath from cycling. Felt a teeny twinge of naughtiness for almost being late, worried about getting scolded. 😂 So proud of our boy's academic and social progress. He's a clever, kind and friendly little boy. Only development thing for him was learning to hold his thoughts, though his lovely teacher was very firm about not wanting to crush his enthusiasm and curiosity. ❤️

English spelling

Trying to help teach my five year old to read and he's already noticing the ridiculousness of English spelling. He's like, who is hoo, yet what isn't hat?? 😂

Mushy bananas

= banana loaf day!

Wriring skillz

Son got a token today, a house point, for writing so well that he apparently wrote like a year one child (next year up). He's so proud of himself! 😍❤️ As he's been writing such rubbish at home with the writing exercises, as if he can't write at all, I'm beginning to wonder if he's just bored with what he sees as pointless exercises... 🤔

Empathy

My darling son seems to have grown up overnight, massive empathy leap. He carefully took off his clothes this evening so they were the right way round (not inside out) so I don't have to do it when I wash them. ❤️😍❤️😍❤️😍❤️

[Does better than his daddy...! 😂 ]

Poorly before versus poorly now

Grumpy. Stuck at home with a very demanding two year old while poorly is so different to the hours of luxurious snooze and rest I used to have while poorly. Managed to hide behind the sofa and have a power nap on the floor while she was distracted with tablet and pancake.

Mama is back to school...

Son just told me that I can get house points if I stay calm and don't get angry when he's being really naughty. 😂 Bless his little heart. 😍 ❤️

Escape

Love how my daughter lined up the dinosaurs last night. ❤️

Five year plan

And he's the same child, just older, wiser, more perceptive, stronger, an amazing mind for someone so young, sharp, sees things most adults would miss. I'm so very proud of my darling boy...five years old tomorrow... ❤️
---
Our baby boy is three; no longer a baby, but a bright spark of a child who sees and thinks about everything. It's been wonderful to watch him grow - hard at times to bring up a wilful, determined, assertive child, with very strong opinions and feelings, but I'm so glad he came to us. He brings laughter and love to my heart every single day. Happy birthday little man, may this year bring you greater understanding of the ways things work, to lessen your frustrations and decrease your fears; and may I continue to improve as your guide in an often confusing world. Love you always. ❤️

Old little people

Playing a 'let's sleep' game with 2.5 year old daughter that involves choosing cushions and lying on the floor. She asked me to choose my cushion, but apparently I wasn't allowed the one I wanted.

"That's not available right now, mama."

Her turn of phrase makes me laugh so much, my little old lady! Reminds me of son when he was three, walking down the road, and suddenly said "The wind's picking up a bit, mama."

😍❤️

Spa afternoon

After a morning at a new swimming pool, we're having a spa afternoon.

Ladies doing their nails (with daddy as the nail varnish holder), chaps resting their feet/foot. 😂❤️

Note also the fetching knicker scarf our daughter is wearing. 

First day at nursery

First (half) day of nursery for the two year old.

She loved it. Super cool when I asked her how it was "Oh, yeah, good, played with Gemma (keyworker), I'll go back. Let's go home." Then a belated massive hug for me.

She's asleep ridiculously early and was sad that she's not going every day. Yay for our independent little girlie. ❤️

Silver linings among grey clouds

Third night of night weaning and daughter slept through until 4am (only waking for a wee). Yay for potty training successes, yay for my efforts teaching her slowly to fall asleep on her own and yay for daddy's lack of boobies and night time patience. We make a good team. ❤️

There's always a solution

After the hardest day this year, I'm done with battling.

Too much fighting, so I've given them some patients to look after... So far, so good. ❤️

Rainbow cloud

If you're careful you can see the rainbow cloud in the wispy bits. As noticed by my son. Absolutely beautiful! ❤️

Third day

Boy says he's made two new friends who he has lunch with, loves his colourful and compartmented lunch tray, loves being able to choose his lunch for himself (distinct lack of fruit or veggies!), has been playing with his friends and generally seems happy. Said he likes being four and wouldn't be two again because he likes school. Yay for my brave and adaptable boy! I'm so, so proud of him! 😍 His sister however has been a massive struggle today, but she says there's too much change and she's tired. Here's to her settling soon. ❤️

So much change

Daughter decided she wanted her own bed tonight for the first time ever. "I big girl now." No idea if it'll last all night, but I'm not sure I can handle so much change all at once. Both kids asleep by 7pm. Clearly change tires them out too. ❤️

Strong girlie

Me: pretending to be daughter-eating monster in playground *roar*

Daughter: [grabbing me by cardigan tails, speaking firmly and without fear] No!! Come here monster, eat food, not SuperAmi! Or I put you in bin!

My strong girl! 😍❤️

Second day of school

Son ran in without looking back, first in. ❤️

2.5 year old perception

Daughter: wind is picking up my hair when I walk. Feels nice.

❤️

First day at school

I have taken the obligatory school photos and with not a single door or mantelpiece in sight! 😂 Major struggle getting two sets of smiles or sensible poses, but I think I got some lovely ones. My beautiful boy ready for school. I'm so massively proud of the person he is and I wish him so much luck in the independent journey he has just begun. ❤️

Letting go

Thinking of all my friends whose babies are starting school tomorrow (or who started today). Some of us are letting our first babies go and I know some who are letting their last go. Parenthood is just a series of moments of letting go and then holding tight when they need us, from the moment they leave our wombs. Ups and downs. Joys and sadnesses. Reminds me of Kahlil Gibran when he talks about how the depth of such sadness is proportionate to how deeply we love. How lucky we are to love so greatly. I know I'll be crying tomorrow. ❤️

Camping alone (ish)

First night camping, both kids asleep by 7.30 and 8.20 very peacefully (whoop!). I'm very impressed with them (and us). 🤗 Wind in the trees, gentle rain. Man gone home until tomorrow night.

Thank goodness I'm with a friend and her husband and their two year old, and not totally alone tomorrow. Their four year old was also meant to come but has a tummy bug, so our four year old is rather unimpressed with the play options. We do have some play huts and a playground, plus their bikes and rockets...and we're planning a trip to Wookey Hole tomorrow, so hopefully he'll be reasonably happy. 😊

First time camping with both kids and no man. 😳  Looking forward to his return tomorrow night. 😍

Pants

Daughter refused nappies after lunch. She is currently wearing pants, a crown and a bracelet. It's a good look. 😍 I think the time has come. Can't fend it off any longer!

A two year old's job

Me: please don't pull clothes off the bannister.

Daughter: hmm, I'm just doing my job...

😂😂😂

Danger

Top stair gate gone. Feels empty, dangerous, crazy! 😜

Was more dangerous keeping it, given the kids fight over it... 🙄

Change

Daughter has been sleeping more than usual. Wondering if it was a precursor to a development leap. As well as talking better sentences, she ate banana today and oaty bar AND licked a piece of seaweed. My joy at this progress it literally sky high! 😂

Summer days

The A3 looks suspiciously like a motorway. I specifically told my satnav no motorways. Crept along it in torrential rain and thunder, after a gorgeous, if slightly short, rainy walk with my friend and her son (daughter wasn't too keen on the rain, the walk or the pancakes I brought her, so early departure was necessary). Upside of driving in heavy rain is you can't hear the kids. Despite the challenges, I kept my Zen, and have arrived home with only a minor stiff neck. 😍🤗

Perfect days

I've had such a perfect few weeks that I thought I'd cracked this parenting thing.

After a perfect few weeks, today has been less than. Today has been difficult. Unhappy kids in the forest (too cold and wet) and unhappy at the Look Out (too busy). Should've trusted my instinct and stayed home to play on our first cold wet day for months. Just as dinner almost made, daughter turns up in the kitchen, hands dripping in neon pink slime which is all over her clothes and all over the dining room! As she napped this afternoon (couldn't wake her for love nor money), I'm expecting a loooong evening too.

Wish me luck anyone who has had a day that just somehow keeps trying to go all wrong! ❤️

Returning

Seven minutes to home. It will be lovely to be home and to see our friends again (feels like an eternity we've been away, though it was only 11 days). As always I've left a part of my heart in Croatia. Until next year. ❤️

Holiday time!

Up at 3.30am, torrential rain and thunder, issues with parking, security checked everything including me and the girlie, almost missed the flight, except it had engine trouble so it was delayed. Finally, almost there, half an hour from my summer home, quick stop to the let the driver nap and we're on our way again! We're doing really well!! 😍

A new light shines bright

I never understood all the parent posts about their kids going to school and found all the photos of them in their uniform tedious, but that's life. You don't get it often until you're in it. I feel so sad about the end of an era. It's different to the ends of my own eras, house moves, job moves, leaving London, leaving Hong Kong, spending time in Croatia. It's different because I'm holding my own mixed emotions as well as my son's. I feel like I'm holding a little boy's world in the palm of my hand and the centre of my heart, and right now it feels fragile to him, so I have to hold so gently to keep it intact. I can't take away his sadness, just hold him until the sadness passes...and help him through to the excitement of something new. The first light of my life is starting to light his own way.

Endings

Last school lunch I'll be making for a while...until the girlie starts full days at nursery. 😥 and 🤗

Sadness all round

Today was the last full normal day of nursery for my son. He has a party day and a short ending early day next week. This was our last full week of nursery.

He couldn't fall asleep for ages tonight. He finally whispered that he was sad he wouldn't be going to school with his friends. That he wanted to stay where he's been at nursery. He didn't want to go somewhere new. His heart opened and he cried his eyes out. His grief is real and there is no cheering him up with platitudes. It is just something he needs to feel and get through and wait until he feels ok. He just needs to wait until he feels as at home at his new school.

I hear his sadness because I'm sad too. I will miss our lovely cycling route and the "weeeeeeeee" of the two lovely downhill sections first thing in the morning. I will miss the trees and the squirrels and the pigeons that seem so familiar now. I will miss the familiar faces of parents and teachers. I will miss chatting and walking with my friends. I feel sad too.

As I said to my boy, the depth of his sadness shows how happy he has been with this very large part of his life.

Kids having fun

My son's 'tan' wiped off his legs. 😂

Sign of a child having had a fun day! ❤️

Sibling love

Playing beautifully, as they have been all day. ❤️

Stop and go

I am completely in love with my son's stop-go sign (other side is red and says 'stop'). It's for me to hold up when I want to say "Stop shouting" or "Go" when I want a hug. ❤️😍

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my father and the father of my sparkler children!

May you have a wonderful day (of doing not much to my father, to maybe to doing a little less than usual to my husband, as far as I can go, I'm afraid!)

Sporting the Father's Day t-shirt present. We all got a special lie in this morning until 6.45!! 🤗

The questioning child

A great reminder. It's so easy to forget what I remember so clearly as a child in terms of my own needs. The innocence of genuinely wanting to understand why or what for, and the absolute confusion when a parent became angry at my wilfulness or questioning. "Because I said so," meant nothing to me. It made me lose respect for the parent in that moment. A clear answer, or even "I'm sorry I don't have time to go through why right now, ask me later" would have been much better for me.

https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-faq/strong-willed-child.html

Nightmares

Son was telling me he'd been having nightmares about monsters in the garden, that look like me and my husband, but are blue and eat small children! 😳 I asked what veggies they like, none, but they do like strawberries, so we're going to always have a supply of strawberries so that they don't eat him and his sister. 😂

The children of the clouds

So my daughter was asking me about the children "up there" this morning. Took me ages to realise she didn't mean on the roof of the car, but in the clouds. She insisted these children live in the clouds and she was worried that they were thirsty, but could maybe drink rain water (which I suggested and which made her happy). I asked where the children had come from and she said they used to live in homes with their mummies and daddies, and now they live in the clouds with the other children. Such a lovely and random conversation. I love the minds of my little people.

Big daddy

Two year old daughter: you're little, mama.
Me: am I?
Daughter: yes, like me and S (brother).
Me: what about daddy?
Daughter: daddy is big...with big muscles and big legs.

Underfoot

Me: you really like being outdoors and barefoot, don't you?
Two year old daughter: yeah, I do!
Me: with your feet in the squishy mud, and the grass under your feet...
Daughter: yeah! And the poopies in my toes!
Me: 😳

(Damn all the dog owners who don't pick up their dog's poops).

Dear deer

Just blew a loud noise with grass for the kids and a deer popped it's head around the closest patch of ferns to check us out! Beautiful! 😍

Sleep maths

Counted the kids to sleep tonight. Daughter was conned into stopping milk as I said boobies would rest while I counted to 30. I counted 28, 29, 40, 41, 42, all the way to 130 by which point she was asleep. Son was wired so took over from husband around 8am and counted to 281 before he was asleep. I love my version of maths!! 😍

An engineer in the making?

And this is how my son plays with cars.

Memories

Aww, little fat feet of my now four year old son. 😍😍

This was the back seat pre son tearing down and destroying all our blinds (hence tinted windows now) and choking on a bit of plastic he pulled off the mobile. I love my curious child, though we do go through plasters very quickly! 😂

Sibling love

All was silent for ages while I put away laundry. Turns out that they're loving each other instead of quietly killing each other. 😍 💗

A good day

A good day. Lovdly cycle ride to nursery despite son falling off twice (brave boy). Bought a lovely new table at a charity shop and found a nice basket for car books. The boy was given a book for raising most money in the school for charity, with his test tube challenge (proud mama and thank you so much to everyone who sponsored him!!). Daughter and I had a lovely afternoon pottering in the garden, weeding, sorting out seedlings and planting more seeds. 😍 Love the sunshine!

Now to manage dinner and bedtime with the usual 4-6pm incessant fighting. 😂

An eventful day

Two year old daughter fell head first out of the car and has a head lump and cuts and bruises. Did fine on her check at A&E and was climbing anything over a foot high and running and screaming. Bounced back in more ways than one! Doc very impressed with her.

Four year old son swam 12m backstroke unaided today! Gets his 5m badge. I'm so proud of him!

My wonderful tough, lively, vibrant kids. 😍

Fussy eater

Daughter eats first piece of toast, aged 2 years, 2 months and 2 weeks! Hurrah!

Admittedly not the healthiest, but it's a start.

#ChocolateLover #TakesAfterDaddy

Fussy eater

Daughter eats first piece of toast, aged 2 years, 2 months and 2 weeks! Hurrah!

Admittedly not the healthiest, but it's a start.

#ChocolateLover #TakesAfterDaddy

Living life on the edge

😊

Empathy, kindness to lettuces and people

I may have shared this before, but it's a lovely reminder. If we can be this kind to plants, we can be this kind to each other and, perhaps most importantly, to ourselves. ❤️

Farnborough Air Sciences Trust

Otherwise known as the aeroplane museum.

Kids and daddy like the planes. I like the cafe, the articles on women's efforts in the war...and on this occasion the crockery they were giving away (I gave a donation in return). Everyone left happy. Except perhaps daddy who was fearing the increase in household crockery.

Mama 1 toddler 0

Mwah ha ha! I spiked her pancake with pear, vit d drops and multivitamin drops. She ate the whole thing. Mama win!!!

Humour of a two year old

Daughter: got food for you, mama.
Me: ooh, thank you!
Daughter: got a plate here, and an apple on plate... and tea.
Me: yummy tea, thank you!
Daughter with serious look: pig tea, mama! [Evil chuckle]

The sorrows of a sensitive soul

Neighbours are chopping down a beautiful fir tree I've been enjoying since my four year old son was a baby. I looked out at it in the early hours of the night when I was struggling in those early weeks. I'm gutted they're chopping it down (though I totally understand why). Son keeps crying about it too asking me to save it, asking why I can't stop them. It's heartbreaking. It's going on Friday. I plan to let him say goodbye to it tomorrow. I expect tears. He keeps saying he stands under it when it's raining...and asking what will shelter him once it's gone. 😞 He has such a big heart and sensitive soul. ❤️

A happy day

So I braved taking both kids actual swimming yesterday morning and it was great fun! Proud of facing a fear of mine. We'll definitely go again. Spent early afternoon making pancakes so we could have a pre dinner playground trip and it was lovely to get some running around, rain in our faces, forest bathing time. 😍

(You can just see the biggest as a yellow blob in the distance)

Where does the imagination go?

Four year old son: mama, look! There's another world in that puddle! Let's jump into it and go into the other world!

Me: so there is, how beautiful! Let's do it!

Son: look, we're out the other side! There's still a forest in this world and it's so beautiful!

😍😍😍 Love his mind and sense of beauty. 😍😍😍

International Women's Day - wishes

To all the women feeling insecure, I wish you love for yourself; to those feeling disempowered, I wish for you the confidence to keep fighting; for those women that are uncertain of their paths, I wish you light to guide your way; and for those feeling discontentment, I wish you wisdom to identify what changes to make, and peace for your hearts. To all the amazing women I have befriended or that have befriended me over the years and to those that have been my inspiration. ♥️ Happy International Women's Day.

Emotional self care

Wonderful talk on self care and how to be successful at what you want.

Dreams

So, I had my first proper remembered dream for over four years.

Due to pregnancy and breastfeeding and possibly sleep deprivation, I've not remembered any of my dreams for over four years. Last night I woke at 3am, like I always used to, from the most vivid dream I've had for years and I was blown away by the reality of it, the vividness of the colours, the sensation of touch and smell, the realness of the conversations and the intensity of the emotions. It felt so real, that I stayed awake for about an hour processing what had happened in the dream and what it meant to me, as if it had been real. It was a good experience that taught me a lot.

We get used to dreams, as adults, but feeling like this was my first real dream ever, I can now understand why children often find even the most ordinary dreams so frightening or confusing. How do you explain this concept to a toddler, how do you tell them it's not real, when it feels so very like reality?

It reminded me of something I wrote in 1997, over 20 years ago, when my dreams used to scare me.

Dreaming of reality

The illusion of reality scares me.  What if what I see is not really there?  What if all I see is just part of a dream?  What if I am just part of a dream?

To be thinking this, I must be real.  To have fear of nothing, I must be more than nothing.

To realise that I am more than nothing, I must exist in a world that also exists.

I live in what I see; I can touch it and smell it.  I have lived for twenty years in this world, and it has remained constant throughout.

But what if those twenty years are just an illusion?  What if I haven’t really lived in a world that was constant?  What if that was a dream too?

Does it matter?  If my memories are a dream, it was a nice dream.  If all my experiences were part of a dream, that dream taught me a lot.

Life is not about knowing what is real, or what to believe in, or what I am.

It is accepting that things just are the way they are and realising that I am no less real than that acceptance of my environment.

I am who I am.

The puddle philosophy

Yay for puddles! 😍

Green eggs and ham

I've wanted this book for years and found it for 10p at the library today. It did not disappoint! I absolutely loved it. Who says that parents don't get time to read a book in one sitting. 😂

And the girl is two

Happy second birthday to our storm in a teacup, dancing on rainbows daughter. Her delight at her world, the intensity of her emotions, her stubbornness and her bright mind bring me joy and laughter (as well as frustration) every day. Now she's talking constantly, we definitely know more of what goes on in that little head of hers.

Poop, poop, poop

Highlight of my day was this conversation:

Me: What would you like for lunch?
Son: Poop.
Me: [after many thoughtful and tasty suggestions being rejected in favour of poop] I could do poop porridge. [Thinking I could add chocolate powder]
Son: [looked thoughtful, then suspicious] Would it be actual poop, or would you really just be adding chocolate?
Me: Ah, well, um, chocolate.
Son: No, I want poop.

He ended up with six sausages. Most poop like, obviously.

😂

Tornados come in many shapes

After a night of 40°, I'd have thought the boy would be chilling in the sofa. Nope. Energy of a major tornado. I've set him cleaning windows with my homemade cleaner (mostly water, some white vinegar and two squirts of washing up liquid).

Beauty everywhere

The beauty of ice crystals on my chicken stock.

The scent of green

Beautiful green shiny ivy, set against the damp wood, the scent of earth and fresh, clean air. Beauty is everywhere. 😍

And the 22 month old speaketh

Me (at bedtime): Can mama have a sip of your water please?
Daughter: No. Go downstairs.
Me (with surprise and a chuckle): Oh, ok, maybe daddy can bring some up for me.
Daughter (shouting): Siy! Bring mama water please! Siy!

Last day of holidays, first day of 2018

Lovely, lovely last day of holibobs. Sad to be losing my grown up playmate tomorrow. Proud of the kids' efforts today, especially my son who had a spectacular tumble on a fast downhill, had a bit of a wail, then got back on his bike, cycled to the playground on the fireroad, and then found the energy to do some climbing and running in the playground. Feeling blessed with my little family. AND the biggest news ever - we finally wore the kids out and they were both asleep by 6.20pm. 😍

2018

Awareness of new emotions seems as good as any to start the new year. That, and the lie in I've been waiting for all Xmas! Yay! 7am lie in! 😍

Emotional awareness