Black lives matter

This post is aimed at my white friends. My thoughts aren't fully formed about this, but if I wait until they are, I may not post. It is an uncomfortable post. If you don't want to read my ramble, please just watch the video. 🙏❤️

I've been thinking about the subject of this video, and about when I first fully faced and realised what racism meant and how it showed itself in (my) every day interactions. I remember the shame at realising my contributions. In particular an event when I lived in Hackney over 15 years ago, and two black guys with hoods up were chatting near the bushes of a park I had to go through to get to my home. As I passed, with some anxiety, I heard one saying about how important it was that they helped set up some youth group to get the kids off the streets. And in passing, how cold it was. Hence, presumably, hoods up. Part of my anxiety was due to them being men and it being dark (as any woman will understand), but part, to my shame and horror, was due to them being black. I felt incredibly deep sadness when I realised how awful some of my (to me) tiny unconscious actions must have felt to other people - holding my bag tighter, crossing the road etc.

Once we have a full realisation of the truth of racism, it is extremely uncomfortable for us. We have to make a choice. Are we willing to face our own prejudices and banish them, or do we want to return to the bliss of our ignorance, the comfort and security of our white privilege? It's not just the blatent obvious racism that has to be addressed, but the (currently) unconscious actions of us all.

Video

Lockdown cleaning - a day in the life of our family

Today's highlights have been the carpet spillages - banana, strawberry, oat and milk smoothie; tea with milk and sugar; a bottle of PVA glue (then also sprayed on the carpet on the way to the downstairs loo and smeared all over the floor and sink). This has all been nicely mushed in with breadsticks and popcorn crumbs.

Five loads of washing, one dishwasher load, now bathing the kids.

Homeschooling

Some parents are blessed with time because they don't work or are furloughed; and some parents are blessed with kids that do what they're told and/or like to sit still at tables. Some parents are doubly blessed with all the above, plus a partner who is also furloughed. 

I can't even begin to imagine the bliss of that. We have none of the above. 

The kids get a bit of work to give them structure, they get a bit of screen time to give me some sanity (but not too much, not because I have a problem with it, but because it sends the kids feral), but mostly they get time outdoors, time to use their imaginations, and hours and hours to think of creative ways to fight and kill each other. They're quite remarkably inventive. I have the innovators of the future living in my home. 

😂😍❤️

Family life during lockdown

A wonderful start to the morning. Son woke me at 6am. I made a strong cuppa and a nest of blankets and cushions on the decking outside, and we lay outside for about 45 minutes. Son loved listening to the birds and seeing them fly overhead. We chatted and read his book a while until daughter came down, then she snuggled too.

Then I sat outside and worked while husband played with the kids. Lovely to work listening to laughter and happiness. Too cold to sit in my nest anymore, so have come in to warm up. I'll be back outside once my fingers have defrosted. 🥰❤️🌱🌳

Birthday blessings

Started the day with daughter telling everyone that noone is allowed to shout at me in the shower today. I must have a shower in peace! Bless her little cotton socks. 😍 ❤️

My little helper

Six year old son is going through the huge clean laundry pile in the lounge and folding stuff and putting it away!! Love him so much!! ❤️❤️❤️   

#DefinitelyMyChild

Multitasking / kiddie poops

Two days ago I was speaking to my boss on the phone while stealth wiping the bum of one of the kids. 

Five hours into our journey up north, while the other kid was having a poop in a large cubicle of a petrol station, I did some yoga - warriors 1, 2 and 3, some balances, some forward, backward and side bends, some triangle poses and some spinal twists. Nothing that required anything other than feet on the floor. My life seems to be multitasking during poops at the moment. 

#YogaMama #WorkingMama

Gifts from the heart

Today's gifts from my beautiful three year old girlie. ❤️

A growing child

Son woke up this morning and told me he'd grown. Said the toilet was lower down today. Measured him and he's about 2cm taller than when I measured him two days ago. The anticipated growth spurt has happened. 😂😍 Hopefully we can go back to sensible sleeping patterns again now. 

Having a horse for a child

After a very large post school snack (yoghurt, grapes, nectarine, chocolate, cucumber, tomatoes), six year old just ate an entire oversized head of brocolli with his large dinner. Like the whole thing. Guess I won't be eating any for my lunch tomorrow. 😭 He's eating like a six foot something top athlete at the moment. I'm awaiting a massive growth spurt imminently. 😳

Being a child

Today I was a child, jumping in puddles, feeling the squelchy mud beneath my boots, running through little rivers, picking up conkers, holding my face up to the sunshine, imagining fairy worlds in the forest tracks, and looking at mirror worlds in the water. I lived and loved nature. 

A few people told me later they were envious of me feeling free enough to jump, that they get urges to do so, but worry what others will think. Others said they'd never even contemplate such splashing, worrying about muddy shoes or wet socks. 

I'm glad I feel free enough to let my inner child allowed out to play regularly. What a blessing!

💚🍂🌳🌲🍁🌧️🌞

Comedians

Six year old told me that he and a friend put on a funny show at school today, they were chefs making pizza, but instead of ketchup, they said to paint the pizza and they made everyone laugh. 

He said that later on they made actual pizzas - his was with pepperoni and pineapple, very adventurous ingredients were provided by the sounds of things!

He was so happy with himself and I was so happy to hear he felt free to be silly and have fun. As life should be. 

Funny turn of phrase

Looking at a canvas on the wall of herself in my sling, sitting next to her brother and Baka, daughter says "So, that's me in mama's pocket, and my brother and Baka, who is pretty old really." Love her turn of phrase! My funny girl! 😂❤️

The birth day anniversary

Our beautiful boy, named 'angel face' for the first few days before we settled on a name, was born six years ago today. He has become a kind, loving, passionate, boy, with a huge heart, a special sight for the fragments of beauty and love in the world that most people miss. He hears everything. He understands so much more than his young mind should. He is the light of my life, the first person who held a mirror to my soul to show me the unseen lights that shine within me, and the first person to hold a torch in the darkest corners of my soul, allowing me to grow and become more who I should always have been. I am so grateful he was brought to me and will always love him with all my heart. Happy birthday, my son. ❤️

(And he surpassed himself this morning, rising at 2am for his birthday! Thankfully we got him to sleep another hour or so around 5/6ish - our son of the boundless energy!)

Pre birthday excitement

Trying to get excited pre birthday son to sleep and he spent about 40 minutes telling me about how much love he has in his heart it feels like it's going to burst, and then the love will be shared around the world, and his heart will get put back together and healed bigger, so it can contain more love. Then he told me all about his idea for backpack polystyrene mini houses for homeless people, with waterproof taping and an electricity conductor to make sure they don't get struck by lightening...and how when he's bigger he'll be a builder and get all his mates to build free houses with him for homeless people. My son. ❤️❤️❤️

Compassion of a five year old

Asked son yesterday if he did anything new at school that day. He said he had, with great excitement. He said he'd seen a girl in his year who he didn't know who was standing all alone at lunch time. So he asked her if she wanted to join in playing with him and his friends. She did. ❤️

Proud mama. 😍

Three year old gratitude

Apparently dinner is "poo poo rubbish" according to my three year old. I'm serving spaghetti (which she has loved every since first trying it), but she wanted polenta.

I look forward to the day when she will be perfectly welcome to choose what she's having for dinner because SHE'LL BE COOKING IT! 😂😂😂

Sleepy contemplations

Daughter's falling asleep words:

"Mama, if I cut my ear off, it would really, really hurt..." 😳

I suppose I should be grateful she wasn't talking about my ear! 😂

Colours

Daughter tells me she loves tan (my legs) and teal (my coat) and a whole host of other colours three year olds shouldn't know and men don't distinguish. 😂

Lessons from a five year old

The other night when putting him to sleep, five year old son told me he'd figured out a way to calm himself - breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth. He then said, "mama, I really like who I am, I like me."

❤️❤️❤️ #VeryProudMama #NaturalYogi #JobDone