When I got the coach from the airport the bus driver spoke to the guy in front of me (incidentally, the guy next to me on the plane) in English. He then looked at me. Opened his mouth and shut it. Looked at me again. Then he spoke to me in Croatian.
I'm not sure what it was. Maybe my slight tan and freckles from having been outdoors for four days camping and cycling - suggested I wasn't English. Maybe my confident attitude - suggested I'd been there before. Or maybe it was just because I was tired of waiting so, after putting my suitcase under the bus in the baggage bit, I walked up to the front of the queue and handed him my 100 kuna note.
Pushing to the front of the queue like a true Croat. I am very proud of myself.
the random ponderings of an ordinary person
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Potential
Someone once said to me "never love a man for his potential" meaning I should love him for what he is now.
This morning I woke up and I suddenly remembered that and I have now decided it is wrong. At the time, it stopped me dating men who were nowhere near their potential and had no desire to get there, and so it saved me from unhappiness.
Now, I think it's important for me to be able to love a person for their potential, because this is what helps people to reach the heights they can only dream of. Expect that someone will get there - not now, not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but eventually. Expect that someone can achieve the best that they can be, and they will - not necessarily how you or they might envisage, but in the way they are meant to.
I think the saying should be "Love a man for who is today and for who he will be tomorrow, but don't expect him to be today who he cannot be until tomorrow."
I am also aware that I am not speaking just of men or people you date, but of all people.
That sits better with me.
This morning I woke up and I suddenly remembered that and I have now decided it is wrong. At the time, it stopped me dating men who were nowhere near their potential and had no desire to get there, and so it saved me from unhappiness.
Now, I think it's important for me to be able to love a person for their potential, because this is what helps people to reach the heights they can only dream of. Expect that someone will get there - not now, not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but eventually. Expect that someone can achieve the best that they can be, and they will - not necessarily how you or they might envisage, but in the way they are meant to.
I think the saying should be "Love a man for who is today and for who he will be tomorrow, but don't expect him to be today who he cannot be until tomorrow."
I am also aware that I am not speaking just of men or people you date, but of all people.
That sits better with me.
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Thank you to my pet robotic rat
It appears that my pet robotic non-George rat really was looking after me. I passed my driving test first time. Hurrah!
I go from a single woman who doesn't drive to a married driver in the space of a month and I am finding this a huge identity shift. Exhausting.
Must eat and go out to see clients. I can sleep tonight...
I go from a single woman who doesn't drive to a married driver in the space of a month and I am finding this a huge identity shift. Exhausting.
Must eat and go out to see clients. I can sleep tonight...
Not George
So I had a very strange dream last night. I was in some kind of lab, or classroom or something and everyone had a pet mouse or a pet rat.
I started off with a pet mouse, but he ran away and was so tiny that I couldn't catch him. Then they (whoever 'they' were) gave me a pet rat. As we spoke - because, to everyone else's surprise, my rat could speak - it emerged that he was a robotic rat and he had been assigned to me for some purpose, kind of like my guardian. Those that had assigned him were not the 'they' I mentioned before, but some higher power who I was not aware existed. They did not know of this higher power either - only my pet robotic rat knew of him or her. My rat also told me that he had AI and was perfectly capable of any task I should choose to assign him.
Finally, he told me his name. I thought he was going to tell me it was George or something else equally sensible, but it was a two-part name that is now hovering on the periphery of my memory, something like Reasonably Practical or Sensibly Reasonable or Practically Normal. None of these things, but something very similar.
I am left with an oddness in my mind, as if something happened of importance or maybe that his name was very important, but now I have forgotten it and maybe this is a bad thing...but even so, I have a sense he is somewhere in my mind, prowling the corridors of my neurons to make sure that everything is functioning as it ought to be.
I started off with a pet mouse, but he ran away and was so tiny that I couldn't catch him. Then they (whoever 'they' were) gave me a pet rat. As we spoke - because, to everyone else's surprise, my rat could speak - it emerged that he was a robotic rat and he had been assigned to me for some purpose, kind of like my guardian. Those that had assigned him were not the 'they' I mentioned before, but some higher power who I was not aware existed. They did not know of this higher power either - only my pet robotic rat knew of him or her. My rat also told me that he had AI and was perfectly capable of any task I should choose to assign him.
Finally, he told me his name. I thought he was going to tell me it was George or something else equally sensible, but it was a two-part name that is now hovering on the periphery of my memory, something like Reasonably Practical or Sensibly Reasonable or Practically Normal. None of these things, but something very similar.
I am left with an oddness in my mind, as if something happened of importance or maybe that his name was very important, but now I have forgotten it and maybe this is a bad thing...but even so, I have a sense he is somewhere in my mind, prowling the corridors of my neurons to make sure that everything is functioning as it ought to be.
Thursday, 26 July 2012
A gift
The best reward is watching someone change in ways that gives them a happier, more fulfilled life; especially knowing that I have helped to facilitate that change. Usually I know through my own experience of our relationship and our work, but occasionally someone tells me themselves, through words or a gift and that always touches me deeply.
Tuesday, 24 July 2012
Passport - more delights
Oh! And they have cold and warm fronts too!
See picture to demonstrate some of the delights - fronts, weather symbols and dragon fly.
See picture to demonstrate some of the delights - fronts, weather symbols and dragon fly.
Passport
So my new passport has arrived, valid until mid 2023, a date that doesn't seem real.
Unlike my old passport, I look like a convict. Gone is the smiling face of my Williams passport and here is the stern face of my Shah passport. I do hope this isn't representative of my life!
I assumed with it's fangle dangle chip thingy, that the pages would be tear proof. If Aussies can make money that is tear-resistant, surely the UK passport people can make tear-resistant passport pages. It appears not.
Other than the photo, the obviously fake expiry date and the (now) torn page 5, I am in love with my new passport. It has sparkly wave and bird designs and then other birds in blue and grey, and dragonflies and fishes. It delights me. I was almost in rapture, but not quite there, when I notice the weather symbols. It would appear that new passports have weather symbols, one for each page, in the style of the BBC weather site and so far I have spotted snow, rain, sunshine, cloud, broken cloud with sunshine, thunder and hail or sleet (not sure of what the last one is).
I never imagined getting my passport would be so entertaining and interesting. I urge you all to check the hidden delights of yours, if you have a new one; and if you don't, yet, I wish you much happiness when you finally do!
(See Passport - more delights for more delights!)
Unlike my old passport, I look like a convict. Gone is the smiling face of my Williams passport and here is the stern face of my Shah passport. I do hope this isn't representative of my life!
I assumed with it's fangle dangle chip thingy, that the pages would be tear proof. If Aussies can make money that is tear-resistant, surely the UK passport people can make tear-resistant passport pages. It appears not.
Other than the photo, the obviously fake expiry date and the (now) torn page 5, I am in love with my new passport. It has sparkly wave and bird designs and then other birds in blue and grey, and dragonflies and fishes. It delights me. I was almost in rapture, but not quite there, when I notice the weather symbols. It would appear that new passports have weather symbols, one for each page, in the style of the BBC weather site and so far I have spotted snow, rain, sunshine, cloud, broken cloud with sunshine, thunder and hail or sleet (not sure of what the last one is).
I never imagined getting my passport would be so entertaining and interesting. I urge you all to check the hidden delights of yours, if you have a new one; and if you don't, yet, I wish you much happiness when you finally do!
(See Passport - more delights for more delights!)
Monday, 9 July 2012
The curious arrival of The Jumper
We found a navy blue jumper at our house around the time we got married. It was hanging on the handlebars of one of the bikes. It looks like a man's style. It's small, Jeff Banks, with pale blue stripes going down the arms... Smells of man or hard work or something. I don't recognise the smell, which I was sure I would and I find this odd.
If anyone reading this post owns the jumper, let me know and we'll keep it safe rather than taking it to charity.
If anyone reading this post owns the jumper, let me know and we'll keep it safe rather than taking it to charity.
Marriage and commitment
It’s a funny old thing, marriage. I have always been ambivalent about it, on the side of anti-marriage if I'm honest, primarily because I have seen it trap otherwise happy people into something that makes them unhappy. I have also always felt that commitment is in my heart, not on a piece of paper, despite the laws in this country that make marriage a safer union legally than other unions. Don’t get me wrong, the ambivalence is not about commitment for me, it’s about the institution, or so I told myself.
In the lead up to my wedding, I felt nothing but anxiety and stress. Little excitement glimmered through the fog for me. In between the complex layers of planning, I began to lose sight of my man and I started to panic, forgetting the whole reason for getting married, and I needed to keep looking him in the eyes, to remember who he was and why I was marrying him. All this stuff you are required to do in order to have, what was in my eyes, a traditional wedding, takes so much away from the whole point of getting married, which is to be with someone you love and to tell the world how you feel.
I thought that the ambivalence would continue to my wedding day, but, unexpectedly, the day of my wedding, and especially as we spoke the vows to one another, I felt happy. Unambiguously and unambivalently happy. I also felt a mild surprise to suddenly know in my heart the full extent of his love and commitment to me and I realise that this brings me closer to the truth of my ambivalence: I had never seen a marriage with the kind of commitment I wanted and so I didn't believe it was possible for another to give me what I wanted and needed. This being the case, why would I want to commit my life to someone forever? I know it's not necessarily about being married, legally, or I believe it isn't that, for me. For me, it's about a public declaration of commitment, in whatever manner it might have happened.
In the last week and a half, I have felt an odd sense of safety and security that I have never known in my life, not even as a child. It’s a sense that someone really does have my back and really truly does love me. I didn’t know this feeling existed, never mind that I was missing it.
So yes, I admit, I am happy. Though one would hope this would be the case only a week and a half into a lifelong commitment!
In the lead up to my wedding, I felt nothing but anxiety and stress. Little excitement glimmered through the fog for me. In between the complex layers of planning, I began to lose sight of my man and I started to panic, forgetting the whole reason for getting married, and I needed to keep looking him in the eyes, to remember who he was and why I was marrying him. All this stuff you are required to do in order to have, what was in my eyes, a traditional wedding, takes so much away from the whole point of getting married, which is to be with someone you love and to tell the world how you feel.
I thought that the ambivalence would continue to my wedding day, but, unexpectedly, the day of my wedding, and especially as we spoke the vows to one another, I felt happy. Unambiguously and unambivalently happy. I also felt a mild surprise to suddenly know in my heart the full extent of his love and commitment to me and I realise that this brings me closer to the truth of my ambivalence: I had never seen a marriage with the kind of commitment I wanted and so I didn't believe it was possible for another to give me what I wanted and needed. This being the case, why would I want to commit my life to someone forever? I know it's not necessarily about being married, legally, or I believe it isn't that, for me. For me, it's about a public declaration of commitment, in whatever manner it might have happened.
In the last week and a half, I have felt an odd sense of safety and security that I have never known in my life, not even as a child. It’s a sense that someone really does have my back and really truly does love me. I didn’t know this feeling existed, never mind that I was missing it.
So yes, I admit, I am happy. Though one would hope this would be the case only a week and a half into a lifelong commitment!
Thursday, 5 July 2012
Work
Slowly slowly, one day at a time, I'll get there. Just been offered one day a week school counselling in Reading starting in September. Only half an hour cycling from the flat and not a million miles from my swimming pool. It's all very exciting.