the random ponderings of an ordinary person
Wednesday, 21 May 2014
Breastfeeding
Once when I was in Waitrose, a helpful lady apologetically suggested I feed
the boy sitting on the loo, as there was nowhere else
to sit. To her credit, she agreed, once I'd asked, that I could feed him
in the office next to the pharmacy. Part of the problem is that
businesses don't all have dedicated spaces and individuals just don't
think. It's not all intentional - it's just lack of thought, understanding or awareness. This is why we need to raise awareness and to help people to understand the reality and issues with trying to feed a baby. I have to say that most businesses I've been in have been fantastic (including Waitrose, once I'd made the suggestion), but it would be great for companies to have a policy on breastfeeding and to have given it some thought.
Anyway, these thoughts were prompted by this ad:
When nature calls
Anyway, these thoughts were prompted by this ad:
When nature calls
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
Movement
He just crawled forwards! The incentive? A part from the hairdryer!
He's been crawling backwards for weeks, but forwards is a new direction and hopefully will help him become far less frustrated. :-)
He's been crawling backwards for weeks, but forwards is a new direction and hopefully will help him become far less frustrated. :-)
Monday, 19 May 2014
Sleeping like a baby
In the last eight months, I have often wondered why people use the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' to mean 'sleeping well'. It is true that once he is out, he is out for the count (for at least half an hour!), but he definitely doesn't sleep like a log. I think a log is a better thing to compare a sound sleeper to, than a baby. Yes, yes I do.
I've been feeling a bit pressured of late to make him sleep through the night, as so many other babies his age do (facilitated by sleep training, formula, heavier evening meals or other means), but I have not as yet found a method that feels right for us.
Since training to be a counsellor, I have become very in tune with and aware of my feelings. I don't always know what they are, but I know that they're there. I have been feeling a certain discomfort and anxiety about the little one's sleep and put it down to feeling the need to 'sort it out', but very (very) recently I've realised that it's the opposite issue - it's about feeling strongly that I don't want to 'sort it out', but to follow a baby-led approach.
There's so much advice available from experts about sleep training and how if you don't train them early, they will require nursing, rocking or other assistance with falling asleep FOREVER. The thing is, college students don't need to be rocked to sleep. In tribal societies, babies are held and rocked and soothed so much more than our Western babies and they don't need this all their lives.
I know some women, close friends of mine, who took the approach of holding, rocking, soothing, taking a baby-led approach to sleep, and their babies perhaps were much more demanding for the first couple of years than other babies - they took more energy, they woke more in the night, they fed more over night, they struggled to fall asleep on their own wanting the soothing presence of their mamas - but as they have grown into toddlers and young children, I have noticed how much more confident and independent they seem than other children their age. This could be coincidence, I know, but I am noticing (as I write) that I feel a need to support my decision with anecdotal evidence (in the absence of other evidence), as if I am afraid that someone will come out and tell me I'm doing it wrong. I feel fierce about this.
I have a sense that I have the opportunity to put in some hard work now - a chance that won't come back to me when he's older - and that it might be difficult right now - it might mean I often suffer sleep deprivation, but it feels right for us.
I have finally decided that my little boy will learn how to fall asleep on his own in his own time. He will learn to sleep through the night, when he's ready. I have realised that this is what I believe, contrary to much of the expert advice I have been given since he was born. Yes, I will take some advice - I will try giving him water over night sometimes rather than milk, especially when he eats more food or it has been a hot day; I will let him 'be' a little more, rather than assuming he needs me at all times when falling asleep; I will sometimes walk away and leave him alone, returning only if he cries (but I won't leave him to cry if he sounds distressed). He's already making signs to me not to rock or nurse him to sleep, that he wants to fall asleep on his own (pushing me away and looking longingly at his cot) - and sometime he does, very successfully, rolling onto his side or front, with bum in the air, clinging onto his bunny blankie, rubbing it into his face - whereas other times he still wants the extra comfort of me holding him. Sometimes he is okay with me walking away and leaving him on his own to fall asleep. Other times he screams and cries and doesn't want to be alone. Sometimes he barely eats/feeds overnight; and other times he needs a lot more. Bit by bit, he gains more confidence and a greater ability to self-soothe. As we've taken only a baby-led feeding and weaning approach (for breast milk and solids), I want to take this approach with sleep too. It feels consistent and it feels right.
I feel so much better having made this decision, again, as I have a few times since he was born, but each time I make this decision, I process more, and I add greater detail to my belief system around baby sleep.
Who knew that so much thought and contemplation and decision making would be involved in every single tiny step of my baby's development? Who knew how strongly I would feel about doing it 'our' way? Yeah, that sentence makes me smile - a genuine, happy, satisfied smile. That's how I know that this is right for us. :-)
I've been feeling a bit pressured of late to make him sleep through the night, as so many other babies his age do (facilitated by sleep training, formula, heavier evening meals or other means), but I have not as yet found a method that feels right for us.
Since training to be a counsellor, I have become very in tune with and aware of my feelings. I don't always know what they are, but I know that they're there. I have been feeling a certain discomfort and anxiety about the little one's sleep and put it down to feeling the need to 'sort it out', but very (very) recently I've realised that it's the opposite issue - it's about feeling strongly that I don't want to 'sort it out', but to follow a baby-led approach.
There's so much advice available from experts about sleep training and how if you don't train them early, they will require nursing, rocking or other assistance with falling asleep FOREVER. The thing is, college students don't need to be rocked to sleep. In tribal societies, babies are held and rocked and soothed so much more than our Western babies and they don't need this all their lives.
I know some women, close friends of mine, who took the approach of holding, rocking, soothing, taking a baby-led approach to sleep, and their babies perhaps were much more demanding for the first couple of years than other babies - they took more energy, they woke more in the night, they fed more over night, they struggled to fall asleep on their own wanting the soothing presence of their mamas - but as they have grown into toddlers and young children, I have noticed how much more confident and independent they seem than other children their age. This could be coincidence, I know, but I am noticing (as I write) that I feel a need to support my decision with anecdotal evidence (in the absence of other evidence), as if I am afraid that someone will come out and tell me I'm doing it wrong. I feel fierce about this.
I have a sense that I have the opportunity to put in some hard work now - a chance that won't come back to me when he's older - and that it might be difficult right now - it might mean I often suffer sleep deprivation, but it feels right for us.
I have finally decided that my little boy will learn how to fall asleep on his own in his own time. He will learn to sleep through the night, when he's ready. I have realised that this is what I believe, contrary to much of the expert advice I have been given since he was born. Yes, I will take some advice - I will try giving him water over night sometimes rather than milk, especially when he eats more food or it has been a hot day; I will let him 'be' a little more, rather than assuming he needs me at all times when falling asleep; I will sometimes walk away and leave him alone, returning only if he cries (but I won't leave him to cry if he sounds distressed). He's already making signs to me not to rock or nurse him to sleep, that he wants to fall asleep on his own (pushing me away and looking longingly at his cot) - and sometime he does, very successfully, rolling onto his side or front, with bum in the air, clinging onto his bunny blankie, rubbing it into his face - whereas other times he still wants the extra comfort of me holding him. Sometimes he is okay with me walking away and leaving him on his own to fall asleep. Other times he screams and cries and doesn't want to be alone. Sometimes he barely eats/feeds overnight; and other times he needs a lot more. Bit by bit, he gains more confidence and a greater ability to self-soothe. As we've taken only a baby-led feeding and weaning approach (for breast milk and solids), I want to take this approach with sleep too. It feels consistent and it feels right.
I feel so much better having made this decision, again, as I have a few times since he was born, but each time I make this decision, I process more, and I add greater detail to my belief system around baby sleep.
Who knew that so much thought and contemplation and decision making would be involved in every single tiny step of my baby's development? Who knew how strongly I would feel about doing it 'our' way? Yeah, that sentence makes me smile - a genuine, happy, satisfied smile. That's how I know that this is right for us. :-)
Sunday, 18 May 2014
Ups and downs
Four hours sleep...but, 7am fresh sunshine walk, dragonflies, playing on the lawn mid morning and walk by the lake with the boy...and not even time to get dressed for the wedding!
Saturday, 17 May 2014
Saturday, 10 May 2014
Calms and storms
Well, after a surprisingly long and difficult week, today has been remarkably pleasant.
Although I didn't get to sleep until gone 11pm last night and was woken many times over night, eventually seeking sleep in the spare room at 4am, I feel good. I had a lovely solid chunk of three hours sleep! Sleep deprivation isn't always the big drama it sometimes feels like.
The man is away tonight, he left at noon, so this morning was 'me' time and I chose to attend a yoga session. Not a mother and baby yoga, an ordinary yoga, although I do now realise that it may always feel like a mother and baby yoga without the baby. He was hovering around the periphery of my mind. Previously, when I yoga-ed, I would be distracted by the things I needed to do at home, or what I might have for my next meal, or the fabulous muscles of the chap in front of me (etc.) but this time I was distracted by nothing except the occasional pitter patter of little feet across my mind. It was different and it was good. I loved the yoga, I loved the teacher and I found myself again. Repartee returned to me. Cheekiness returned. I returned.
I also returned home, the same as the me that left, but also somehow different. I was calmer, happier, excited to see my son again after such a long time away (two whole hours) and peaceful.
I had a lovely day on my own with the boy today. Sometimes I am holding out for the man to return, finally bored of my new life in the last hour of my day alone with my child. As much as I love my son and as much as he is the absolute joy of my life, babies can be boring. Or, rather, the repetitive routine of life with a dependent, can feel boring. Today it didn't. I took pleasure in all the small things we did together - meal times; cleaning my son, the floor, the table, his highchair and myself after meal times; playtime; rocking him to sleep for his naps; chatting together as he slowly wakes after his naps. All these things felt precious and I was reminded again of how important it is for each person to have his or her own space, so that they can be fully present with those they love when they are ready to share their space again.
As an aside, my son has very happily discovered spring onions and so I am now residing with two (potentially) stinky-onion-breath people. Thankfully his other current favourites are baby sweetcorn, mange tout, avocado, gluten-free toast (in preference to other bakery produce), cucumber, sweet potato chips and basil leaves. All massively less offensive in the breath department. I did try to introduce him to fresh mint leaves, but he wasn't having any of it.
Right - the beep and scent of fresh bread calls. I shall settle down for the evening with a good TV show and a pile of hot bread and honey.
Although I didn't get to sleep until gone 11pm last night and was woken many times over night, eventually seeking sleep in the spare room at 4am, I feel good. I had a lovely solid chunk of three hours sleep! Sleep deprivation isn't always the big drama it sometimes feels like.
The man is away tonight, he left at noon, so this morning was 'me' time and I chose to attend a yoga session. Not a mother and baby yoga, an ordinary yoga, although I do now realise that it may always feel like a mother and baby yoga without the baby. He was hovering around the periphery of my mind. Previously, when I yoga-ed, I would be distracted by the things I needed to do at home, or what I might have for my next meal, or the fabulous muscles of the chap in front of me (etc.) but this time I was distracted by nothing except the occasional pitter patter of little feet across my mind. It was different and it was good. I loved the yoga, I loved the teacher and I found myself again. Repartee returned to me. Cheekiness returned. I returned.
I also returned home, the same as the me that left, but also somehow different. I was calmer, happier, excited to see my son again after such a long time away (two whole hours) and peaceful.
I had a lovely day on my own with the boy today. Sometimes I am holding out for the man to return, finally bored of my new life in the last hour of my day alone with my child. As much as I love my son and as much as he is the absolute joy of my life, babies can be boring. Or, rather, the repetitive routine of life with a dependent, can feel boring. Today it didn't. I took pleasure in all the small things we did together - meal times; cleaning my son, the floor, the table, his highchair and myself after meal times; playtime; rocking him to sleep for his naps; chatting together as he slowly wakes after his naps. All these things felt precious and I was reminded again of how important it is for each person to have his or her own space, so that they can be fully present with those they love when they are ready to share their space again.
As an aside, my son has very happily discovered spring onions and so I am now residing with two (potentially) stinky-onion-breath people. Thankfully his other current favourites are baby sweetcorn, mange tout, avocado, gluten-free toast (in preference to other bakery produce), cucumber, sweet potato chips and basil leaves. All massively less offensive in the breath department. I did try to introduce him to fresh mint leaves, but he wasn't having any of it.
Right - the beep and scent of fresh bread calls. I shall settle down for the evening with a good TV show and a pile of hot bread and honey.
