As I was walking home today, into the sunshine that glowed a soft yellow at the end of my road, I noticed a tiny little snail crossing the pavement in front of me. His shell was coloured in pale yellow with black swirly stripes.
I thought about picking him up, to save him from someone else's footstep. I thought about putting him onto a leaf in someone's garden. I almost did.
Then I stopped. What if he had spent an hour crossing to the centre of the pavement? What if he had a purpose and was trying to get somewhere? By 'helping him' I would set him back significantly from reaching his goal. I know it's possibly a silly thought - he's only a little snail - but it made me think about myself. I, like the snail, am in a risky place in my life in terms of career and finances, but despite this, I am where I want to be. I need to be in a risky place in order to reach the place I have always dreamed of getting to.
So this also made me think of others and how impossible it is to judge someone else's progress or to make decisions for them about where they ought to be. We can't always see the whole of someone else's journey - where they've come from or how long it has taken to get where they are. We don't know how far they are from achieving their goal. Because of all this, yes it's still important to help others, but it's vital that we don't force our help onto others. We can notice and we can offer, but we must never, ever force our help. By trying to 'help' someone else, we may, in fact, be taking them further away from where they need to be.
Just something to think about.
the random ponderings of an ordinary person
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Friday, 24 February 2012
Glass installation
Pen y Fan, South Wales, UK.
It looked like a glass installation, but in reality it was a fine layer of ice covering everything all around us. Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I'll share some pics now with you. :-)
It looked like a glass installation, but in reality it was a fine layer of ice covering everything all around us. Absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I'll share some pics now with you. :-)
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| Blade of grass |
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| Ninki in front of grass |
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| More beautiful blades of grass |
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| Tree 'installation' |
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| A generally awesome view from the top of Pen y Fan |
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Anger and culture
More on anger and aggression throughout the ages and in relation to cultural expectations. It's a long article, but very interesting.
http://www.faqs.org/childhood/A-Ar/Anger-and-Aggression.html
http://www.faqs.org/childhood/A-Ar/Anger-and-Aggression.html
Friday, 17 February 2012
Male aggression
I've been thinking a lot about men and aggression, partly prompted by an article in Therapy Today magazine. A man, in stemming his aggressive force (where aggressive is used in the broadest sense to mean the energy that stems from passion or feeling strongly that something needs to change), kills his own life energy.
I have known for a long time that aggression is a specific kind of energy, one of the most powerful, but in our society it is often misunderstood, condemned and therefore hidden and suppressed. This leads to depression, anxiety, a sense of purposeless, a sense of floating without energy or without power to move. Aggression, when suppressed for too long, can be triggered by any kind of perceived injustice - children dying in foreign countries, your boss exerting undue authority over you, your wife nagging you one too many times. Suppressed aggression, when triggered, will explode into the space around you. It has a power that is terrifying to those near you. Once it is released, you will feel better, but in doing so you will eventually destroy everything in your environment.
Aggression, when allowed to emerge naturally and in an appropriate time, is the most powerful catalyst for change. Voice whatever it is that feels unfair in a calm and measured manner (or as calmly as you can). Explain how you feel and why you feel this way. Ask for what you want instead or say what it is you will do differently. It might not be easy the first time - sometimes you might need to take five minutes time out to breathe before you can have this conversation. Sometimes you might need to go and punch something first, or take a cold shower to get some perspective. The first time you allow this powerful force to emerge, it can be frightening and it takes practice.
It is easier for a child to learn to rein in and express its anger because a child is small and feels relatively unthreatening to others. When a man learns, for the first time, it can be frightening to himself and others around him, which is why counselling can be so valuable, because the man can learn in the safety of the counselling room, without fear of damaging or hurting those he loves or those that he needs to maintain good relationships with.
Men have an inner innate aggression that, when channelled in the right way, is a powerful force for good. It promotes change. It provides security and safety for his family. It allows him to be a 'man'. It gives him a sense of purpose and focus. It unleashes his passions and his joy of life and living. It gives him a sense of vitality. He becomes more who he is and therefore becomes more stable and trustworthy. He becomes a safe person to be around, rather than a volatile and unpredictable volcano.
I say 'man' throughout this, but many women also have difficulty acknowledging, allowing and expressing their aggressive force. I say 'man' throughout this, because I am focusing specifically on men at the moment and their need to be men in a society that increasingly asks men to be something they are not. I am not saying that women do not have a similar experience.
I have known for a long time that aggression is a specific kind of energy, one of the most powerful, but in our society it is often misunderstood, condemned and therefore hidden and suppressed. This leads to depression, anxiety, a sense of purposeless, a sense of floating without energy or without power to move. Aggression, when suppressed for too long, can be triggered by any kind of perceived injustice - children dying in foreign countries, your boss exerting undue authority over you, your wife nagging you one too many times. Suppressed aggression, when triggered, will explode into the space around you. It has a power that is terrifying to those near you. Once it is released, you will feel better, but in doing so you will eventually destroy everything in your environment.
Aggression, when allowed to emerge naturally and in an appropriate time, is the most powerful catalyst for change. Voice whatever it is that feels unfair in a calm and measured manner (or as calmly as you can). Explain how you feel and why you feel this way. Ask for what you want instead or say what it is you will do differently. It might not be easy the first time - sometimes you might need to take five minutes time out to breathe before you can have this conversation. Sometimes you might need to go and punch something first, or take a cold shower to get some perspective. The first time you allow this powerful force to emerge, it can be frightening and it takes practice.
It is easier for a child to learn to rein in and express its anger because a child is small and feels relatively unthreatening to others. When a man learns, for the first time, it can be frightening to himself and others around him, which is why counselling can be so valuable, because the man can learn in the safety of the counselling room, without fear of damaging or hurting those he loves or those that he needs to maintain good relationships with.
Men have an inner innate aggression that, when channelled in the right way, is a powerful force for good. It promotes change. It provides security and safety for his family. It allows him to be a 'man'. It gives him a sense of purpose and focus. It unleashes his passions and his joy of life and living. It gives him a sense of vitality. He becomes more who he is and therefore becomes more stable and trustworthy. He becomes a safe person to be around, rather than a volatile and unpredictable volcano.
I say 'man' throughout this, but many women also have difficulty acknowledging, allowing and expressing their aggressive force. I say 'man' throughout this, because I am focusing specifically on men at the moment and their need to be men in a society that increasingly asks men to be something they are not. I am not saying that women do not have a similar experience.
Sounds of Silence
Sounds of Silence (by Paul Simon of Simon and Garfunkel) plays often in this cafe. Every time it plays it tugs at my heartstrings and I can't help but sing along. I find the melody and lyrics achingly beautiful so I thought it was about time I shared them with you.
---
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence.
---
Read and learn.
Don't disconnect from those around you. Don't become blind to the beauty of everyday life. Don't become deaf to the words of love that are whispered to you in languages other than your own.
Reconnect. Open your eyes. Listen out for signs of love. Be content.
---
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence
"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence.
---
Read and learn.
Don't disconnect from those around you. Don't become blind to the beauty of everyday life. Don't become deaf to the words of love that are whispered to you in languages other than your own.
Reconnect. Open your eyes. Listen out for signs of love. Be content.
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
St Valentine's Day
I like to think of this day slightly differently to the commercialised 'norm' and the singledom backlash. Ever since I was 20 I have wished all those I love a Happy St Valentine's Day, because surely love has no boundaries and is not exclusive. I have alternatively liked and loved this day. Many may assume
that my liking or disliking has been related to whether I've been
single or in a relationship, but it has not. It has primarily been related to how much I have loved myself.
Apparently 'Valentine' comes from valens which means worthy, strong and powerful. These are also excellent words to describe the love you feel for someone that you truly love, whether a lover, a friend, a baby, a family member or yourself (perhaps most importantly). I would like to wish you all much love in your lives throughout the year. I hope that the love you are given and the love that you give is worthy, strong and powerful, including the love you give to yourself.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ONE AND ALL!
Apparently 'Valentine' comes from valens which means worthy, strong and powerful. These are also excellent words to describe the love you feel for someone that you truly love, whether a lover, a friend, a baby, a family member or yourself (perhaps most importantly). I would like to wish you all much love in your lives throughout the year. I hope that the love you are given and the love that you give is worthy, strong and powerful, including the love you give to yourself.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ONE AND ALL!
Monday, 13 February 2012
Update to 'vulnerability, shame and connection'
It seems that the link didn't work for some of you to the previous video, so here it is again.
If this doesn't work, search for 'Brene Brown' and/or vulnerability.
If this doesn't work, search for 'Brene Brown' and/or vulnerability.
Vulnerability, shame and connection
Precursor to my post – if you can’t be bothered reading this post, skip to the end and click the link.
I just watched a video on the most important thing about being alive: connection with others. The speaker spoke about the main things that unravel connection and the words she used were ‘shame and fear’.
To my surprise, out of nowhere it seemed, on hearing the word ‘shame’ I burst into tears. The speaker was talking about the shame of not being good enough. I guess perhaps my response came from a place of understanding what shame is and how deep it can go in each one of us. It can be hard for anyone, including me, to speak of and acknowledge shame, but most of us have felt it at some point.
She speaks about those that can connect easily, that they have a deep sense of belonging and of being lovable. Belonging is something that has come upon me partly through spending time in Croatia and understanding more about where I come from, and partly through being loved by someone that I respect and value highly. I am one of the lucky ones - not to have been given those chances, but to have been able to take those chances. Not everyone is so lucky.
My wish is for a world in which people have the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves and then to others, and the desire for authenticity – to let go of who they thought they should be and to allow themselves to be who they are. It is also a wish for a world in which people see vulnerability as beautiful, as well as understanding that it is not a comfortable place to be, but that it is necessary to reach a point of connection and to find long-lasting contentment and happiness.
All this reminds me of something I saw written on a wall in Berlin years ago. I know the language used may offend some people, but I hope you can all see the sentiment behind it.
The video is here for your pleasure and inspiration.
I just watched a video on the most important thing about being alive: connection with others. The speaker spoke about the main things that unravel connection and the words she used were ‘shame and fear’.
To my surprise, out of nowhere it seemed, on hearing the word ‘shame’ I burst into tears. The speaker was talking about the shame of not being good enough. I guess perhaps my response came from a place of understanding what shame is and how deep it can go in each one of us. It can be hard for anyone, including me, to speak of and acknowledge shame, but most of us have felt it at some point.
She speaks about those that can connect easily, that they have a deep sense of belonging and of being lovable. Belonging is something that has come upon me partly through spending time in Croatia and understanding more about where I come from, and partly through being loved by someone that I respect and value highly. I am one of the lucky ones - not to have been given those chances, but to have been able to take those chances. Not everyone is so lucky.
My wish is for a world in which people have the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves and then to others, and the desire for authenticity – to let go of who they thought they should be and to allow themselves to be who they are. It is also a wish for a world in which people see vulnerability as beautiful, as well as understanding that it is not a comfortable place to be, but that it is necessary to reach a point of connection and to find long-lasting contentment and happiness.
All this reminds me of something I saw written on a wall in Berlin years ago. I know the language used may offend some people, but I hope you can all see the sentiment behind it.
The video is here for your pleasure and inspiration.