I'm pretty sure, a few days ago, my (then almost) 17 month old signed that we should see more friends (having spent the best part of a month being ill indoors), but as he'd neither signed 'more' nor 'friends' before, I wasn't totally certain. I didn't think he knew what friends were, for starters!
Today, as my (now) 17 month old was lying on his changing mat, he pointed at the ceiling and made his sound for a 'fish'. I recalled that we'd been at a friend's house yesterday, where her little girl has planets hanging above the changing mat. I commented that she (using her name) had had balls floating above her mat and he agreed. He then did the fish sound again and I remembered they had an aquarium. He became excited about this confirmation of his attempts to communicate. I also reminded him of the cat they have and (for the first time) he miaowed! This was followed by a broad and very excited grin. He then signed 'friends' and my heart melted, because they are, indeed, friends, and this is the first time he has used a sign I have not yet used with him and a concept I have not explained.
It seems that the order of the week is relationships and being sociable. I must improve my diary planning efforts!
the random ponderings of an ordinary person
Thursday, 26 February 2015
Latest skills of the toddler
I've just experienced my first toddler-speaking-to-boob - I was jiggling them around immediately before bedtime to see which one to give him and I think he thought I was trying to find them, so when I got it out, he shouted "there!!" as in "there it is!" So very cute.
He's also signing heaps now and can ask for more, asks where things are or what things are, tells me he can hear birds, cars, a helicopter or aeroplane, or daddy coming home, plus a range of foods. He also does a load of different animals and, more usefully, pain. I am totally with the signing thing now as it has helped us understand one another massively.
He can also drag steps to where he wants to climb and has cleverly (if worryingly) figured out how to open the front door. He helps unload the dishwasher, putting cutlery in the drawer and other items where I tell him to put them. He also unloads and loads the washing machine with me, and tidies his toys away! My clever little boy.
Before having kids I never really understood the fascination with their development, but it is really interesting watching someone learn so much and so quickly.
Finally, he is beginning to eat - hurrah! Last night he had Thai red curry veggies (cauliflower, potato, chickpea and tomato) with cous cous and yoghurt (all separately and all fed by himself - though he insists on using a fork to eat yoghurt).
Anyway, that's all my tired brain can think of right now - clearly he has not yet learned to sleep through the night!
He's also signing heaps now and can ask for more, asks where things are or what things are, tells me he can hear birds, cars, a helicopter or aeroplane, or daddy coming home, plus a range of foods. He also does a load of different animals and, more usefully, pain. I am totally with the signing thing now as it has helped us understand one another massively.
He can also drag steps to where he wants to climb and has cleverly (if worryingly) figured out how to open the front door. He helps unload the dishwasher, putting cutlery in the drawer and other items where I tell him to put them. He also unloads and loads the washing machine with me, and tidies his toys away! My clever little boy.
Before having kids I never really understood the fascination with their development, but it is really interesting watching someone learn so much and so quickly.
Finally, he is beginning to eat - hurrah! Last night he had Thai red curry veggies (cauliflower, potato, chickpea and tomato) with cous cous and yoghurt (all separately and all fed by himself - though he insists on using a fork to eat yoghurt).
Anyway, that's all my tired brain can think of right now - clearly he has not yet learned to sleep through the night!
Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Toddler ailments
Nothing worse than finding your toddler in bed with his face covered in blood. Thought it was a brain hemorrhage.
It turns out that it's very common when little people have stuffy noses and nasty colds; and it seems our little one has a very nasty 'cold' - tonsillitis and an ear infection. No wonder he's been extremely clingy, unhappy and not sleeping. Hopefully once the antibiotics kick in, we'll all get happier and start sleeping again.
I suspected as much last night when he signed 'pain' and I asked where the pain was and he kept hitting his right ear (the one with the infection in it). My clever boy. And my poor, poor, unhappy, hurty little boy.
All in all, it's been a pretty rough start to the year, with evil illness after evil illness, each one seemingly worse than the previous one. I'm ready for a good night's sleep, but I suspect it's not happening just yet, as our little person seems to have developed bed-avoidance, wailing every time he is taken near it.
Perhaps it'll be a case of dinner with a toddler on my lap, then bed for us all.
It turns out that it's very common when little people have stuffy noses and nasty colds; and it seems our little one has a very nasty 'cold' - tonsillitis and an ear infection. No wonder he's been extremely clingy, unhappy and not sleeping. Hopefully once the antibiotics kick in, we'll all get happier and start sleeping again.
I suspected as much last night when he signed 'pain' and I asked where the pain was and he kept hitting his right ear (the one with the infection in it). My clever boy. And my poor, poor, unhappy, hurty little boy.
All in all, it's been a pretty rough start to the year, with evil illness after evil illness, each one seemingly worse than the previous one. I'm ready for a good night's sleep, but I suspect it's not happening just yet, as our little person seems to have developed bed-avoidance, wailing every time he is taken near it.
Perhaps it'll be a case of dinner with a toddler on my lap, then bed for us all.
Tuesday, 27 January 2015
Behavioural changes
The boy was a little better today after a bad night (of waking every half hour to hour), but seems to not want to go to sleep at all this evening. He climbed off his bed and opened his door. As he clearly wasn't sleeping, I brought him downstairs again.
Wanted me to put on the signing DVD. Wanted to learn more, I think. He was very excited about learning 'horse' today. I said no, too late. He pottered around a bit and ate some food (biscuit and cheesy breadstick), but refused milk. Didn't want it at bedtime and has refused it since. Last night he sometimes asked for it and then cried other times when he wanted it. I'm assuming it's teeth again as he's been biting hard on my fingers. I keep telling him everything will be better once those teeth are all through...that the pain is temporary and won't be forever.
Anyway, then he kept telling me he could hear an aeroplane (through signing) and then about half a minute later, I could hear too. Such acute hearing! He just wanted to sit on my lap and stare into my eyes - rather unnerving - then he'd give the odd smile, half sided smile, just on the left, which he's started doing in the last few days. Sometimes he'd giggle. Sometimes he'd start chatting and telling me stuff, and I'd apologise and say I couldn't understand him. He'd stare intently and smile a gentle little smile, giving me a hug as if to say "Never mind, maybe one day you will." Then he was pointing at the door at saying brrm brrm. Two minutes later the man arrived home (10 minutes early). Quite incredible.
Anyway, he's been very affectionate this evening and given us both lots of cuddles with arms flung around our necks. We are hungry and tired and the man is now trying to rock the boy to sleep. Fingers crossed...
Wanted me to put on the signing DVD. Wanted to learn more, I think. He was very excited about learning 'horse' today. I said no, too late. He pottered around a bit and ate some food (biscuit and cheesy breadstick), but refused milk. Didn't want it at bedtime and has refused it since. Last night he sometimes asked for it and then cried other times when he wanted it. I'm assuming it's teeth again as he's been biting hard on my fingers. I keep telling him everything will be better once those teeth are all through...that the pain is temporary and won't be forever.
Anyway, then he kept telling me he could hear an aeroplane (through signing) and then about half a minute later, I could hear too. Such acute hearing! He just wanted to sit on my lap and stare into my eyes - rather unnerving - then he'd give the odd smile, half sided smile, just on the left, which he's started doing in the last few days. Sometimes he'd giggle. Sometimes he'd start chatting and telling me stuff, and I'd apologise and say I couldn't understand him. He'd stare intently and smile a gentle little smile, giving me a hug as if to say "Never mind, maybe one day you will." Then he was pointing at the door at saying brrm brrm. Two minutes later the man arrived home (10 minutes early). Quite incredible.
Anyway, he's been very affectionate this evening and given us both lots of cuddles with arms flung around our necks. We are hungry and tired and the man is now trying to rock the boy to sleep. Fingers crossed...
Wednesday, 14 January 2015
Job description
During one of my many evenings of lying in the dark cuddling my son until he falls asleep, my mind wandered and I wondered how much of my time I spend doing this. Mostly, this is a fairly enjoyable activity, that I use to think about things, meditate or just enjoy being with him. Sometimes I talk to him about the beauty of the world and what there is to appreciate. Sometimes I sing to him. Sometimes he chatters to me. Sometimes we just lie in silence.
Anyway, I was curious, both about the tasks I do during my working day and how much time I devote to them. Having made my first attempt at putting it onto paper (figuratively speaking), no wonder I think it is harder than any (paid) job I ever did. The hours are ridiculous! I definitely wouldn't take a paid job like this, but I also do enjoy most of it as much as (and on occasion more than) any paid job I have done - the reward, as all mothers that have gone before have ever told me, is worth it. Though, being slightly cynical, the idea of psychological consonance (versus dissonance) comes to mind...that is, the idea that our brains are built to make the most of whatever choices we have made so that we believe our current choice to be the best choice we could have made - a clever little trick designed to make us happier.*
So, see below for my working day! How my mother did this with five children, I have no idea.
* To acknowledge that this 'trick' appears to have gone wrong with some people, but that is an entirely different blog post and so I shan't dwell on that here.
Anyway, I was curious, both about the tasks I do during my working day and how much time I devote to them. Having made my first attempt at putting it onto paper (figuratively speaking), no wonder I think it is harder than any (paid) job I ever did. The hours are ridiculous! I definitely wouldn't take a paid job like this, but I also do enjoy most of it as much as (and on occasion more than) any paid job I have done - the reward, as all mothers that have gone before have ever told me, is worth it. Though, being slightly cynical, the idea of psychological consonance (versus dissonance) comes to mind...that is, the idea that our brains are built to make the most of whatever choices we have made so that we believe our current choice to be the best choice we could have made - a clever little trick designed to make us happier.*
So, see below for my working day! How my mother did this with five children, I have no idea.
* To acknowledge that this 'trick' appears to have gone wrong with some people, but that is an entirely different blog post and so I shan't dwell on that here.
Tuesday, 13 January 2015
12 January
So it's turns out that 12 January wasn't the date my library books needed renewing, but the date the yoghurt went out of date. I knew it was important somehow!
Sunday, 11 January 2015
Breastfeeding
Okay, so firstly I resisted the urge to have the title of this as 'extended breastfeeding'. This is the common term in this country for feeding beyond, what, six months or a year? I'm not sure when it begins to apply, but I realise I have a problem with the term. It implies that feeding a child is not natural or normal beyond a certain (very young) age. It implies that feeding a child up to the age that the NHS and the Department of Health recommend is beyond what should be expected. It's two years for the DoH, in case you didn't know. To end my gripe, I think the current terms of 'breastfeeding' and 'extended breastfeeding' should be changed to 'breastfeeding'.
Anyway, I have just read an interesting article about breastfeeding which triggered this post. I shall share it at the end, but it is about breastfeeding older children. I will preface it by saying that I never thought about breastfeeding before we did it - I just assumed that that was how things would go down. It has been my best parenting tool - to soothe anxiety, fears and pains and crankiness...to provide nutrition when solid food hurts...to help the little one with sleep when insomnia threatens...and simply as a place of security and bonding to make my child feel safe and confident. I never thought about when we'd end or wean, but assumed it would happen by a year. It didn't and so far he's showing no sign of quitting. As it stands, I'm not yet at the place where I have any idea how or when we'll stop. He's so far from being ready to quit!
Anyway, so, about this very interesting article I read. If you're going to read this, try reading with an open mind. I found I struggled a little with some of the ideas, and then I felt sad that something natural and normal should feel odd to me because of my societal hangups. Feeding until six years old is definitely not something I plan for (but there's a lot I didn't plan for that we're doing as parents) and I agree with the author that if there is one thing I have learned as a parent, it's "never say never."
Breastfeeding at six? What's so weird about that?
Anyway, I have just read an interesting article about breastfeeding which triggered this post. I shall share it at the end, but it is about breastfeeding older children. I will preface it by saying that I never thought about breastfeeding before we did it - I just assumed that that was how things would go down. It has been my best parenting tool - to soothe anxiety, fears and pains and crankiness...to provide nutrition when solid food hurts...to help the little one with sleep when insomnia threatens...and simply as a place of security and bonding to make my child feel safe and confident. I never thought about when we'd end or wean, but assumed it would happen by a year. It didn't and so far he's showing no sign of quitting. As it stands, I'm not yet at the place where I have any idea how or when we'll stop. He's so far from being ready to quit!
Anyway, so, about this very interesting article I read. If you're going to read this, try reading with an open mind. I found I struggled a little with some of the ideas, and then I felt sad that something natural and normal should feel odd to me because of my societal hangups. Feeding until six years old is definitely not something I plan for (but there's a lot I didn't plan for that we're doing as parents) and I agree with the author that if there is one thing I have learned as a parent, it's "never say never."
Breastfeeding at six? What's so weird about that?
Friday, 9 January 2015
Tumbling tot
On our way up to his peaceful evening bath and story time before bed, our tot tumbled quite dramatically from the top step down to the bottom last night - smacking his poor little head on the stair gate at the bottom. My heart literally stopped as I saw my precious creature falling away from my grasp, fear in his big brown eyes.
Our evening of him being asleep by 7pm and me on my way to yoga was replaced by an evening in A&E with a little girl who had been vomitting all day (and who the boy unfortunately decided was his new best friend), a teenage lad with a broken nose (whose mother told me that this tumbling down the stairs business will be just the first of many moments where my heart stops beating) and a boy wrapped up in a blanket who looked so awful that we sat nowhere near him.
Thankfully the sunshine of my heart was unharmed and I've been carefully watching out for any behavioural changes all day. I have spotted two - one related to the fall, the other, presumably, not.
(1) He has developed a fashion sense and insisted on wearing a specific t-shirt he has not yet worn; and also refused to wear his normal shoes, instead going for a pair of white and blue Nike trainers that are slightly too large for him. Not related.
(2) He is just as happy and confident to clamber upstairs on his own (while I watch on, pretending to be unconcerned), but he now holds the bannister while going upstairs. Sensible boy. Related and rather clever of him, I thought.
I am tired from an evening where I held tight all the muscles of my body, and now feel as though I too tumbled down. I cannot nap with him while he naps, possibly due to the consumption of dark chocolate nibbling as a treat for my stressful evening, possibly due to the remnants of the adrenaline burst from last night. Instead I shall now enjoy some noodles and veggies while sitting in the sunshine on my own, letting my body relax and trying to let go of what could have been, but thankfully was not. I am relieved.
Our evening of him being asleep by 7pm and me on my way to yoga was replaced by an evening in A&E with a little girl who had been vomitting all day (and who the boy unfortunately decided was his new best friend), a teenage lad with a broken nose (whose mother told me that this tumbling down the stairs business will be just the first of many moments where my heart stops beating) and a boy wrapped up in a blanket who looked so awful that we sat nowhere near him.
Thankfully the sunshine of my heart was unharmed and I've been carefully watching out for any behavioural changes all day. I have spotted two - one related to the fall, the other, presumably, not.
(1) He has developed a fashion sense and insisted on wearing a specific t-shirt he has not yet worn; and also refused to wear his normal shoes, instead going for a pair of white and blue Nike trainers that are slightly too large for him. Not related.
(2) He is just as happy and confident to clamber upstairs on his own (while I watch on, pretending to be unconcerned), but he now holds the bannister while going upstairs. Sensible boy. Related and rather clever of him, I thought.
I am tired from an evening where I held tight all the muscles of my body, and now feel as though I too tumbled down. I cannot nap with him while he naps, possibly due to the consumption of dark chocolate nibbling as a treat for my stressful evening, possibly due to the remnants of the adrenaline burst from last night. Instead I shall now enjoy some noodles and veggies while sitting in the sunshine on my own, letting my body relax and trying to let go of what could have been, but thankfully was not. I am relieved.
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
Major milestones
So today we hit a major milestone that began yesterday, quite out of the blue.
The little one (for his tea) ate an entire bowl of pasta with cheese and chicken, followed by a whole bowl of cereal, followed by a bowl of yoghurt. He then proceeded to eat various other fruits, avocado and cucumber. So, not only did he eat more than he's ever eaten before, he also ate it all himself with a spoon or fork. He decided yesterday that he won't be fed anymore, wants to do it all himself. No idea if this is permanent or not, but it was great. I was so impressed. And the best bit of all - there was no food on him and (even more amazing) NO FOOD ON THE FLOOR. Hurrah, I say!
It's been a great day of friendship and fun for both the boy and me, with some sunshine, a good nap and a trip to the supermarket at 8am, which we both enjoyed and which is always good fun with a little person in the trolley, curious about everything he sees. I hope he likes his new mittens and boots once we try them out outside.
This is how life should always be - enjoyment of people and appreciation of the small things and of small achievements.
All I need now, is for bedtime to occur smoothly and easily and it will have been a perfect day.
The little one (for his tea) ate an entire bowl of pasta with cheese and chicken, followed by a whole bowl of cereal, followed by a bowl of yoghurt. He then proceeded to eat various other fruits, avocado and cucumber. So, not only did he eat more than he's ever eaten before, he also ate it all himself with a spoon or fork. He decided yesterday that he won't be fed anymore, wants to do it all himself. No idea if this is permanent or not, but it was great. I was so impressed. And the best bit of all - there was no food on him and (even more amazing) NO FOOD ON THE FLOOR. Hurrah, I say!
It's been a great day of friendship and fun for both the boy and me, with some sunshine, a good nap and a trip to the supermarket at 8am, which we both enjoyed and which is always good fun with a little person in the trolley, curious about everything he sees. I hope he likes his new mittens and boots once we try them out outside.
This is how life should always be - enjoyment of people and appreciation of the small things and of small achievements.
All I need now, is for bedtime to occur smoothly and easily and it will have been a perfect day.
Monday, 29 December 2014
White privilege
I have just read an excellent article that much more eloquently explains something I have been trying to put into words for many years. It is about white privilege. I have, on numerous occasions, been told I have to acknowledge my white privilege and I have and do (seeing quite clearly the validity of this), however I sometimes (and this was by no means the majority of my experiences) experienced a sense that acknowledging (for the requesting party) wasn't enough - I was required to feel shame or guilt for my colour. This angered me when I felt (or heard) this expectation, because I don't feel shame or guilt and don't see why I should. Setting everything else aside, how can I be married to someone of a different race if I constantly feel shame or guilt about my colour?
There was also something more, that I failed to convey when I tried to express it myself. It was about acknowledging that I have many privileges, only one of them being my skin colour. I acknowledge all of them and have done so for many years. I have felt very lucky for these 'gifts' and have tried to make the most of what I have been given.
There have been other elements of my life that would definitely not be classed as privilege. Occasionally I have wished they did not exist, but I try not to focus on the downsides and I try to focus on any benefits, because there are so many things I am so grateful for and, overall, I really am very fortunate.
A key point in the article, for me, that I would like to share with you, is this:
"...white people and people of color experience the world in very different ways. But listen: This is not said to make white people feel guilty about their privilege. It's not your fault that you were born with white skin and experience these privileges. But whether you realize it or not, you do benefit from it, and it is your fault if you don't maintain awareness of that fact."
Anyway, here we are. The article I referred to. I hope it enlightens you as it enlightened me. Explaining white privilege.
There was also something more, that I failed to convey when I tried to express it myself. It was about acknowledging that I have many privileges, only one of them being my skin colour. I acknowledge all of them and have done so for many years. I have felt very lucky for these 'gifts' and have tried to make the most of what I have been given.
There have been other elements of my life that would definitely not be classed as privilege. Occasionally I have wished they did not exist, but I try not to focus on the downsides and I try to focus on any benefits, because there are so many things I am so grateful for and, overall, I really am very fortunate.
A key point in the article, for me, that I would like to share with you, is this:
"...white people and people of color experience the world in very different ways. But listen: This is not said to make white people feel guilty about their privilege. It's not your fault that you were born with white skin and experience these privileges. But whether you realize it or not, you do benefit from it, and it is your fault if you don't maintain awareness of that fact."
Anyway, here we are. The article I referred to. I hope it enlightens you as it enlightened me. Explaining white privilege.