Inner monologues

Toddler talking to himself: "Goodness me, what are all these stones in the car? And what a rusty old window! Your wheel's stuck in the sand, it's going to be stuck forever!"

Love his inner monologue. 😍

Our chilli harvest

The bit missing? 8 month old ate it, seeds and all. She wailed, stopped, tried to wail, gasped, wailed etc for about two minutes then smacked her lips a few times. Held the other half out to her and she tried to take it!

I nibbled a tiny bit and it still hurts, five minutes later.

#motherhood #toughbaby

To all the mamas and daddies out there - forgive yourself a little

I had a moment yesterday where a friend told me I didn't always need to be the strong mama, and it was like a light turning on in my head. Parenting is hard. Especially with no family around. Especially in winter where I need an extra half hour every morning to use my sad lamp, which means half an hour less sleep or half an hour less me time the evening before. There is nothing wrong with the odd moment of weakness or wailing or shouting. People say tears are a sign of strength. They're sodding not! They're a sign someone is carrying too much in that moment. Everyone who carries a thousand tree trunks daily is bound to feel weak or to want a break from time to time. And that's ok. 💟

You are what you eat

Managed to express a teeny amount of milk and my three year old asked for it. "Oooh," he said, "almond milk!" I guess you really are what you eat. 😀

2.45am to 4.08am and counting

I've been standing in the dark rocking for over an hour now. If I even so much as think about relaxing an eyelash, the little one starts screaming. Suspect tomorrow will be another caffeine day. On the plus side, I'm strengthening my thighs, I get to feel the delightful luxury of my thick rug under my bare feet and I remember to appreciate the comfort and warmth of my bed. I also get to drink yet more Covent Garden Tea House Heavenly Tea.

Peppa pig creators should do my bathtime

Screaming threenager at bath time because "I don't like how the water is looking at me." And apparently Grandpa Pig said that about a bush. Peppa bloody pig, you have a lot to answer for!

Three today

Our baby boy is three; no longer a baby, but a bright spark of a child who sees and thinks about everything. It's been wonderful to watch him grow - hard at times to bring up a wilful, determined, assertive child, with very strong opinions and feelings, but I'm so glad he came to us. He brings laughter and love to my heart every single day. Happy birthday little man, may this year bring you greater understanding of the ways things work, to lessen your frustrations and decrease your fears; and may I continue to improve as your guide in an often confusing world. Love you always.

Celebration of life - a toddler birthday

I keep crying this morning, full of emotion and gratitude, enhanced possibly by barely any sleep and the advent of my baby's third tooth.

Baking birthday cake for the toddler's third birthday, and listening to Hafdis Huld. Younger longer is making me think of my beautiful little family, my extended family and friends, and creating such powerful ebbs of overwhelming gratitude and happiness. I feel so lucky this morning, happy in the company of the man, the kids, my sister and her man.

Younger longer, Hafdis Huld

Today's excellent happenings

I'm going to be very boring with teething, but it really helps me get through the hell of it if I celebrate the countdown to 20. So, baby girl has a second tooth. Woohoo! Only 18 more to go. I am truly happy. There are two more on the very verge of emerging, perfectly placed to cause agony on the third birthday weekend of my toddler.

The baby girl, 7 months and 4 days, STOOD ON HER OWN today. She promptly fell over, but she did it. She's also been spending ages trying to work out how to climb steps. I am less pleased about this as I can see it will end in tears at some point, but I'm hugely impressed with the standing.

None of us slept last night (baby girl teething and toddler boy being starving ravenous at 1.30am, necessitating a bowl of cereal with toddler whispering (aka shouting) accompanying the meal). After a cup of very nice caffeinated tea (Covent Garden Tea House heavenly tea) my day was surprisingly enjoyable. Our rugby was cancelled, but we didn't get the message, so the two coaches played with the toddler for 45 minutes instead. He adores them and had a whale of a time. Baby girl happily sat in dirt and ate tofu and black olives. I happily sat on a step in the sunshine, getting covered in half chewed tofu and black olives.

We perused the (toy) contents of four charity shops. Satisfaction all round.

Man was home for dinner which made for peaceful and enjoyable dinner.

So the day ended with sleeping baby puking on my bed, but the sheets needed changing anyway, so I have a nice clean bed to look forward to. And she fell asleep again quickly.

All in all, a great day. Small blessings make for happiness and contentment.

Exercise and motherhood - the reality

Inspired by comments such as "everyone has time to exercise."

I used to exercise regularly. Pre kids. When I had my son, yoga, running and swimming stopped - because of the loose ligaments due to breastfeeding, post c-section recovery and back pain from carrying a Velcro baby around all the time. Then I started physio with my son crawling all over me. As he got bigger (big enough for a bike) I rode with him. I started yoga again on weekend mornings after he'd nursed.

He got too big for mother and baby yoga, he hated buggy fit, he hated some great classes I found with babysitters, so my choices were very limited.

Now I have two kids. I feel ready to exercise again. I'm home alone for 10-11 hours with them (with literally often no breaks), but she's not big enough for a bike, I try to do yoga or my 7-min work out app, but try doing a plank with a toddler on your back and a baby crawling under you - I'm not complaining, I'm serious. Try it! My exercise comes as squats and lunges to pick stuff off the floor with a sleeping baby in a sling; or carrying both when the big one is too tired to keep walking; or pushing a buggy with a big kid and his bike on it, while carrying the little kid. Everything a mama does, in my world, feels like exercise, but I still miss what I used to do.

So, to cut a long story short, I decided to go to the park for a quick session of short sprints, lunges, squats and step ups. (Imagined reality - half an hour, tops).

I had to take my daughter (breastfeeding), which meant I had to take my husband (to hold daughter while I sprinted as she won't be left in a buggy (teething, poorly and dislike of constraints)), so we decided to tag with the baby, take turns at sprinting. This meant we also had to take the toddler - couldn't leave him home alone. He didn't like being left behind when one of us sprinted, so we got to do a little sprint, then running while holding a toddler who insisted on wearing wellies that were too big, so repeated squats to pick them up as they fell off along the way. Then he remembered the playground and ran away. One adult had to follow, which meant the other couldn't sprint, so we had a family trip to the playground. Three hours later we finally went home, one pushing a buggy with a sleeping baby, the other carrying the now very tired toddler on his shoulders. (Actual reality - three and a half hours).

This is why mamas often say they don't have time to exercise. :-)