The end of an era

So, milkies started to disappear with the (internal) growth of the munchkiness when I was around 10 weeks pregnant. Instead of feeding to sleep, we've been kissing boobies goodnight. Mostly, it's been fine, but my two-year old has woken me regularly, crying "no milk" in his sleep, quite a lot of late. He's also woken after his nap wanting milkies, and cried to discover there is no milk. He's clearly been going through a grieving process for something he's had since birth, nutritious, comforting and offering security. I have found it heartbreaking, not being able to give him what he wants and needs. I've told him that his baby sister will bring boobie milk back when she finally arrives and that seems to make him happy - and it's a fact he often repeats to me, while peering into my belly button, kissing and hugging my belly, and saying "baby sister" or, occasionally "huuuuuge belly". I'm hoping he'll associate the arrival of a screaming shrivelled up girlie-scrap with yummy milk, and not mind so much having to share me or my boobies.

Anyway, the last two nights he hasn't asked for milk nor wanted to kiss boobies goodnight (interestingly just as my milk seems to be coming back in). In fact, he's just cuddled me, given me a kiss on my nose, a butterfly kiss to my cheek (fluttering eyelashes), and rolled over and gone to sleep within about five minutes. Part of me is sad that it's the end of an era (though I'm aware his love of milkies might return with the arrival of his sister), but another part of me is happy at his growing independence and the fact that we've done no 'sleep training' or crying it out or anything, in fact, that was not entirely baby led (apart from the unfortunate reduction in milk supply). I'm so proud of us, my husband and I, for sticking it out through the harder nights, to parent and love our child in a way that we felt was right for him and for us as a family.

Tonight I'm going to bed with a mixture of feelings, but mostly I'm looking forward to him arriving in our bed around midnight, his fluffy hot little head snuggling down while his feet, no doubt, kick me in the face until morning.