This is why she was so quiet!
I have decided to just leave her to it, so I can make dinner. Some days, good parenting is staying calm and managing to make food. 😄
Having my mama here means that the man can work late; and that I get the baby to sleep, then I'm able to get the boy to sleep. I've missed his nighttime snuggles.
As he lay on my chest this evening I said "I love you lots and lots. You're my favourite little boy in the whole wide world."
Toddler response: "Awww, thanks mama."
Me: "I'm glad you're my son."
Toddler: "Awwwwww, thanks mama." [Lots of thinking] "Daddy's a son too."
Me: "Yes, yes he is."
Lots of wriggling and getting comfy. A few minutes later, toddler says, "Mama, I love you in the whole wide world!"
My heart totally melting and any crossness from the day has totally dissipated. 😍
So, my reaction now, since Brexit darkened my heart, is to shake it off, and smile. What happens, happens. We have to do our best to work with what is. Make the most of everything. Pick your battles. Choose, where possible, to remain happy hearted above the anxiety and fears of what happens next. Wait to watch it unfold and keep alert for your chances to improve or change what needs changing....and in the meantime look for all the positives around you.
I'm going to focus on the sunshine, and when I see shadows, remind myself that too much sunshine isn't always a good thing.
I hated autumn and winter for a long time, but having kids reminds me that I didn't always hate these seasons. I didn't always spend half a year yearning for longer days and shorter nights, when the sun was high and the air was warmer.
These days I spend half an hour (or so) every morning in front of my sad lamp. Perhaps less on the days that I plan to be outside for more than two hours. I sacrifice much needed sleep for light and I have resented this a long time. If I don't, I become depressed - I need to sleep more, I become irritable and I can't cope with the simplest things.
But I remember I wasn't always like this. Not as a kid when I played outside every day for hours. Not as a teenager when I part walked the 3.5 miles to school and often walked into town. But as an adult, once I started work in an office and rarely saw daylight in the colder months, that's when it hit.
Now, as a stay at home mama, I spend time outdoors every day again, with my beautiful nature babies, a family that is happier outside. We kick leaves. We watch our breath in the cold air and pretend to be dragons. We snuggle up warm in jumpers. We marvel at the tiny drops of water that show us where all the cobwebs are. We watch the sky slowly get brighter in the morning. We watch the sky slowly get darker in the evening. We can watch the changing colours of the sky. We can see the stars together. We put the projector on before bed. We snuggle under our duvets at night, secure in the fact that the dark will keep us asleep as long as we need to sleep. We are cosy, and very very lucky, in our warm, dry home.
I realise that while I will always be a sunshine person preferring warmth, I do love the colder seasons again and I feel a little as if I have been reborn. I feel blessed.
The bit missing? 8 month old ate it, seeds and all. She wailed, stopped, tried to wail, gasped, wailed etc for about two minutes then smacked her lips a few times. Held the other half out to her and she tried to take it!
I nibbled a tiny bit and it still hurts, five minutes later.