Tomorrow I am heading off for a five-day residential (give or take a few hours) in Bournemouth, where around 70 trainee counsellors and psychotherapists will sit around and discuss their feelings, perceptions and thoughts on cultural difference. From experience, this has the potential the generate a highly volatile atmosphere and to tap into deeply rooted resentments, fears, anxieties, anger and prejudices. I am mildly concerned that I am about to walk into an emotional minefield and am positive I will end up offending someone, somewhere down the line. I hope it isn't someone I care about. It's impossible not to offend someone in a timeframe this long. Unless I become mute.
I wonder if I will be one of those that is offended. I wonder if I'll angry. Last time I got very angry when this issue came up, primarily because another girl said she wished life didn't have to be like this - that differences shouldn't matter and she wished everyone got on. I thought she was being naive and that our responsibility as counsellors is to see and recognise these differences. However, part of me agrees with her. Or rather, I wish that differences mattered only in a positive sense - we appreciated individual strengths and perspectives. I wish that we, as humans, were not so quick to judge those who are different to ourselves, or perhaps, just unfamiliar, because familiar difference is not seen as difference so much, or perhaps is not so obvious. We focus on the similarities between ourselves and those that are familiar to us.
Someone said this to me today, and I won't quote who in case he wouldn't want to be named: "...differences are a figment of contemporary cognitions which have no basis in fact and are entirely transient as peoples merge, shift and change. What ever you believe now about cultural differences will be shown to be meaningless in the future as all cultures change."
I like this comment a lot, but I think it might upset a lot of people, because on an individual level, I imagine people would be upset to hear the phrase 'figment of contemporary cognitions', perhaps interpreting the comment as suggested that their experiences are 'made up'. However, it is not that their experiences are made up. No, it is more that the differences our society focuses on are not factually different to those we don't focus on. With changing society and mixing of genetics, races, classes and cultures, at some point in the future, those differences that are key or uppermost in people's minds now, may become meaningless.
Certainly food for thought and I shall be chewing the cud on this one for a few days.
the random ponderings of an ordinary person
Thursday 27 January 2011
Wednesday 26 January 2011
Startled connections - continued
I read back over that and I see why my mother was concerned I might be going mad. It doesn't make much sense. I wrote without thought - a very nice lesson in why thought should precede sharing of brain-content. Though this is something my dear brothers have been trying to teach me since I was small...
My previous post may suggest that my focus is on the 'critical mass' of something, but it wasn't. I can't even remember what the guy was talking about - something to do with banking - and it's no longer massively important. What struck me was the selection of 'Reading' in his example, out of all the towns in England, why would he choose one that had no relevance to him, but huge relevance to me? It got me to thinking about how we seek or see significance in our daily lives. It can be unbearable to think that there is no purpose, or meaning, or greater design. It can create a physical sensation of heightened awareness and a sense of aimless floating in the vast space we inhabit - the universe. A pang of existential angst, perhaps. We don't see and hear everything around us - we focus only on the specific things in our line of vision and the specific words in sentences that have relevance to our lives or to ourselves, and we ignore the rest.
The thing is, our memories are not big enough, generally, to retain all the details, so we have to be selective. Life is about taking opportunities and choosing different paths. My 'golden strands' were metaphorical - in my minds eye I was seeing opportunities as golden threads that are held out to us and if we choose to accept them, we follow the strand. My friend in Hong Kong offered me one such golden strand that influenced the course of that year. Life is - to my mind - composed of these little golden strands that people offer to us, that may change the path we are currently on. Like when my mother met my father in England - he offered her one such strand and she took it and her life moved to the UK from Croatia.
Science is important, but even science teaches us that it's not just the visible things that matter and influence our lives. It's the tiny or invisible things that have as great an influence as, if not more than, the visible - the subconscious, the pre-verbal memories, strings and quarks. They're all there, they exist, and there is nothing mysterious about any of them - it's just that most of us don't quite understand the stuff we don't see on a daily basis. And why? Because there is only so much we can focus on, so we select that which feels relevant, make connections between the relevances and keep hold of them as one unit of experience - our lives - discarding all that which feels unimportant or irrelevant. It's called simplifying.
I'd better get on with work...
My previous post may suggest that my focus is on the 'critical mass' of something, but it wasn't. I can't even remember what the guy was talking about - something to do with banking - and it's no longer massively important. What struck me was the selection of 'Reading' in his example, out of all the towns in England, why would he choose one that had no relevance to him, but huge relevance to me? It got me to thinking about how we seek or see significance in our daily lives. It can be unbearable to think that there is no purpose, or meaning, or greater design. It can create a physical sensation of heightened awareness and a sense of aimless floating in the vast space we inhabit - the universe. A pang of existential angst, perhaps. We don't see and hear everything around us - we focus only on the specific things in our line of vision and the specific words in sentences that have relevance to our lives or to ourselves, and we ignore the rest.
The thing is, our memories are not big enough, generally, to retain all the details, so we have to be selective. Life is about taking opportunities and choosing different paths. My 'golden strands' were metaphorical - in my minds eye I was seeing opportunities as golden threads that are held out to us and if we choose to accept them, we follow the strand. My friend in Hong Kong offered me one such golden strand that influenced the course of that year. Life is - to my mind - composed of these little golden strands that people offer to us, that may change the path we are currently on. Like when my mother met my father in England - he offered her one such strand and she took it and her life moved to the UK from Croatia.
Science is important, but even science teaches us that it's not just the visible things that matter and influence our lives. It's the tiny or invisible things that have as great an influence as, if not more than, the visible - the subconscious, the pre-verbal memories, strings and quarks. They're all there, they exist, and there is nothing mysterious about any of them - it's just that most of us don't quite understand the stuff we don't see on a daily basis. And why? Because there is only so much we can focus on, so we select that which feels relevant, make connections between the relevances and keep hold of them as one unit of experience - our lives - discarding all that which feels unimportant or irrelevant. It's called simplifying.
I'd better get on with work...
Tuesday 25 January 2011
Startled connections
So, I just did a telephone interview for someone and he said something about there not being a 'critical mass in Reading' and it startled me. Why did he choose Reading out of all the towns in England? Did he somehow know I was here? I told him that his example had startled me and asked if he knew I was based here. He said 'no'. He laughed and seemed, I thought, a little startled also - he told me that he was speaking to me from Sunderland and that he lives in Bristol. No connection to Reading, other than me. Apparently.
So is it that we somehow pick up things subconsciously from others, that consciously we have no access to, or is just that as evolutionary hunter-gatherers, our minds are fine tuned to patterns, and so we make links and connections wherever we see them or we notice only what feels most relevant or figural. Like when someone shouts our name, we hear it, among a babble of other background sounds...as then for me, among the babble of his speech, the word 'Reading' became figural.
I know what the scientists would say. There is no coincidence. It's just a connection that you pick up on and may in actual fact not really be a connection at all. Out of all the millions of unrelated words that are uttered, we focus on the ones that have meaning to us. I don't know how I feel about that. I live my life based on these networks of connections - they are what take me closer to my goal and provide me with opportunities that were previously not presented to me. There's nothing magical about this - I just take the golden strands that are offered to me and see where they lead. Do we create our own connections, or is there some bigger, deeper way in which we're all connected?
I know how some of you would respond and I am not sure that your responses would influence me massively, because ultimately none of us 'know' the answer. We believe certain things, but we don't know for sure.
Does it matter anyway?
So is it that we somehow pick up things subconsciously from others, that consciously we have no access to, or is just that as evolutionary hunter-gatherers, our minds are fine tuned to patterns, and so we make links and connections wherever we see them or we notice only what feels most relevant or figural. Like when someone shouts our name, we hear it, among a babble of other background sounds...as then for me, among the babble of his speech, the word 'Reading' became figural.
I know what the scientists would say. There is no coincidence. It's just a connection that you pick up on and may in actual fact not really be a connection at all. Out of all the millions of unrelated words that are uttered, we focus on the ones that have meaning to us. I don't know how I feel about that. I live my life based on these networks of connections - they are what take me closer to my goal and provide me with opportunities that were previously not presented to me. There's nothing magical about this - I just take the golden strands that are offered to me and see where they lead. Do we create our own connections, or is there some bigger, deeper way in which we're all connected?
I know how some of you would respond and I am not sure that your responses would influence me massively, because ultimately none of us 'know' the answer. We believe certain things, but we don't know for sure.
Does it matter anyway?
Saturday 22 January 2011
34 clicks
Just come back from seeing Tron in 3D. Relatively entertaining. Brilliant recreation of 2D computer games into 3D. Fantastic effects, very comfy VIP seats, but terribly cheesy acting. Cheesy line - "What does the sun look like?" "Well, no-one's ever asked me that before. Warm, radiant and beautiful." Cue to shot of beautiful girl looking demure and unaware of her beauty and his recognition that he thinks she's pretty hot. Amusing.
I was a little restless when I got back so I typed in some random letters to google (which happened to be kj) and clicked through the internet 34 times (my age, in case any of you had forgotten) to see what came up. It turned out that a page on copyleft came through.
http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/copyleft.html
I know all about copyleft through brotherly brainwashing a few years ago. Thought it was an interesting way to generate random ideas or as a way to find inspiration or a starting point for something. I might try it again sometime, though as a tip (if you're thinking of trying it at home), set the number of clicks before you start, otherwise you might not know where or when to stop and end up clicking through many sunrises until one day you realise you're old.
Night night all. xx
I was a little restless when I got back so I typed in some random letters to google (which happened to be kj) and clicked through the internet 34 times (my age, in case any of you had forgotten) to see what came up. It turned out that a page on copyleft came through.
http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/copyleft.html
I know all about copyleft through brotherly brainwashing a few years ago. Thought it was an interesting way to generate random ideas or as a way to find inspiration or a starting point for something. I might try it again sometime, though as a tip (if you're thinking of trying it at home), set the number of clicks before you start, otherwise you might not know where or when to stop and end up clicking through many sunrises until one day you realise you're old.
Night night all. xx
Sunday 16 January 2011
Happy birthday!!
To me and my sister.
May we have a wonderful year of fun, frolicks, health, love, light and peace. And may we maintain our love, compassion and determination, as we need to, to achieve our goals.
Lots of love to my sister and to me, from me. :-) xxx
May we have a wonderful year of fun, frolicks, health, love, light and peace. And may we maintain our love, compassion and determination, as we need to, to achieve our goals.
Lots of love to my sister and to me, from me. :-) xxx
Saturday 15 January 2011
Resolution
Alternative universe where everyone learns the truth.
Wikipedia article on common misconceptions. They include that fans don't cool rooms, just the people in the rooms. Also that the Great Wall of China isn't the only man-made object seen from the moon - in fact it is barely distinguishable if at all and city lights are often very clear. Obviously not individually.
Speaking of stuff in space, I found a wonderful site the other day with photos of galaxies and stars. As I did, you may notice a typo - dieing instead of dying with reference to a star. Under the heading IRAS 08515+0905. I emailed one of the top chaps there and mentioned this to him, so it may have been rectified. I know this is not entirely normal, but it made me exceptionally happy and I have passed the sense of responsibility along with sending the email.
Resolution is a wonderful way to access happiness. :-)
Wikipedia article on common misconceptions. They include that fans don't cool rooms, just the people in the rooms. Also that the Great Wall of China isn't the only man-made object seen from the moon - in fact it is barely distinguishable if at all and city lights are often very clear. Obviously not individually.
Speaking of stuff in space, I found a wonderful site the other day with photos of galaxies and stars. As I did, you may notice a typo - dieing instead of dying with reference to a star. Under the heading IRAS 08515+0905. I emailed one of the top chaps there and mentioned this to him, so it may have been rectified. I know this is not entirely normal, but it made me exceptionally happy and I have passed the sense of responsibility along with sending the email.
Resolution is a wonderful way to access happiness. :-)
Wednesday 12 January 2011
What is feminism?
I watched a short talk on TED today. I was drawn by the name of the author - Isabel Allende. I read a book of hers over summer and was totally immersed for a few days. House of the Spirits, I think. So I watched her talk.
I expected passion. I expected to be interested. I didn't expect the raw and real nature of her personality - though I should have done, based on her writing. I realised how much, as writers, we open up our souls to others. It's a risk, but it's a risk that I believe pays off because it allows readers to think or to open themselves up in response - whether internally or to others doesn't matter because both are important. It's the hidden sides of myself that I want to read about, because then I recognise myself, I recognise the human nature in what I'm reading and I know that what is written is true. It doesn't matter if it's fiction or fantastical or full of magic. On one level, I know it has truth in it. I know it's something worth reading.
So the video I watched? It's about passion, support for women, justice and dignity. Isabel Allende tells tales of passion and talks about how she wants to make the world a good place - not better, but good.
I expected passion. I expected to be interested. I didn't expect the raw and real nature of her personality - though I should have done, based on her writing. I realised how much, as writers, we open up our souls to others. It's a risk, but it's a risk that I believe pays off because it allows readers to think or to open themselves up in response - whether internally or to others doesn't matter because both are important. It's the hidden sides of myself that I want to read about, because then I recognise myself, I recognise the human nature in what I'm reading and I know that what is written is true. It doesn't matter if it's fiction or fantastical or full of magic. On one level, I know it has truth in it. I know it's something worth reading.
So the video I watched? It's about passion, support for women, justice and dignity. Isabel Allende tells tales of passion and talks about how she wants to make the world a good place - not better, but good.
Friday 7 January 2011
Factual omissions - corrected
My very intelligent and sharp brother (or rather, I should say 'one of my very intelligent and sharp brothers' otherwise I'll have another of these to write later today) pointed out that I had omitted to say that our Skype-I-Spy also spanned two different continents. And that he invented the game. I have no idea who invented it and had assumed it was me, naturally, but it makes more sense that he did. He's sillier. And older - they didn't have board games when he was a child, you see. So, I shall credit my brother Stan with inventing Skype-I-Spy.
[There. Happy Stan? :-) ]
PS To credit him properly, I am choosing to share with you his back garden (very pretty), his VW camper blog (Slon means 'elephant' in Croatian, for those that don't speak it) and his moving to Norway blog. :-)
[There. Happy Stan? :-) ]
PS To credit him properly, I am choosing to share with you his back garden (very pretty), his VW camper blog (Slon means 'elephant' in Croatian, for those that don't speak it) and his moving to Norway blog. :-)
Thursday 6 January 2011
Yawn
It's all a bit busy and it rained on me, but I did manage a very sweaty gym session in which I rediscovered how hardcore dance music makes me run faster and harder than gentle meditation music or mantra chanting. That was good. My face was bright red. I am deeply and terribly dull at the moment, I think, possibly even surburban. Actually, no, I retract that. I am not surburban. I don't know how to drive. And I live in a bright yellow flat with a guitar, an orange patterned bean bag, some plants, bikes, candles and a man who wears flares (yes they are) and has hair below his ears (in length, not a furry neck). Five of those items (though technically two of them are the same) are nothing to do with me, except that they belong to a man I chose.
Anyway, back to the dullness of my life (because of course that bit was so rock and roll), I've been getting incredibly excited by Skype emoticons, especially the (bandit) one, for some bizarre reason - I think he's such a little cutie! Skype in fact is making me rather happy generally. I had a conference call with all five of us siblings and my mother the other day, which was fabulous. It's amazing how much guilt can be caused by sending five lots of crying emoticons when someone 'threatens' to leave the chat. It's also very amusing to put said person on hold and randomly, say 10 minutes later, unhold them and shout their name. Especially if they happen to be mid-watching-scary-film. Joys of family. We also made up a new game - Skype-I-Spy. It was great. Well, I thought it was great anyway. Hilarious. Imagination goes wild, because you don't really know what the person spying is actually spying, being, in our case, not only in five different cities, but also spanning three different countries and three different time zones.
So it's now 22.14 and way past my bedtime, so I'm going to curl up with my electric blanket and have a mug of hot cocoa. Actually that was a lie. I'm having tea. Mmm.
Anyway, back to the dullness of my life (because of course that bit was so rock and roll), I've been getting incredibly excited by Skype emoticons, especially the (bandit) one, for some bizarre reason - I think he's such a little cutie! Skype in fact is making me rather happy generally. I had a conference call with all five of us siblings and my mother the other day, which was fabulous. It's amazing how much guilt can be caused by sending five lots of crying emoticons when someone 'threatens' to leave the chat. It's also very amusing to put said person on hold and randomly, say 10 minutes later, unhold them and shout their name. Especially if they happen to be mid-watching-scary-film. Joys of family. We also made up a new game - Skype-I-Spy. It was great. Well, I thought it was great anyway. Hilarious. Imagination goes wild, because you don't really know what the person spying is actually spying, being, in our case, not only in five different cities, but also spanning three different countries and three different time zones.
So it's now 22.14 and way past my bedtime, so I'm going to curl up with my electric blanket and have a mug of hot cocoa. Actually that was a lie. I'm having tea. Mmm.
Monday 3 January 2011
A day of joyous blessings
I woke up to my boyfriend saying that the storage heaters weren't hot - this was bad news because it meant no heat until after midnight the next night. It was actually an indicator of far worse - no electricity. A couple of faults in the road, which after hours of sitting in a van waiting for more men to arrive, finally required the electricity people to dig two huge holes in the road to fix whatever had broken - took them about 10 hours to sort it out in the end. Anyway, what could have been disasterous, ended up to be remarkably pleasant, so let me tell you the story of my very mundane but hugely enjoyable day.
We changed our plans around and went food shopping first. By the time we'd got back, we had decided to dig out the camping stove (on which tea and lunch were cooked) and some candles to light our home. Terribly romantic, no? No internet, so guitar 'playing' ensued (much to his delight, I am sure). Even more romantic, I am sure you'd agree.
Thankfully I joined a gym about six days ago, so I decided to go (for the third time since I joined) and to then make use of their showers, which despite being the smallest in the world (no fatties are ever going to fit in these cubicles - motivation to keep going, for sure), were hot and powerful. I sat on a Swiss ball in the ladies room using a spare socket to plug my hairdryer into, to dry my wet hair. A good workout, a wonderful shower and delicious warmth. Hurrah.
The next marvellous thing was that because we had nothing else to do and were cold and hungry, we took time out to be with one another and we went out for dinner. In an attempt to steal a little more heating from someone else we thought that maybe the cinema afterwards would be a fab idea, so I bought us VIP tickets as a treat (after the cold we'd endured).
We'd decided on Yo Sushi! but then I discovered that the half price vouchers I'd intended to use were not yet in date (not until the 10th) so we settled on Pizza Express. If it hadn't been for the VIPness of the tickets, I probably wouldn't have minded, but in the spirit of trying to save money, I couldn't justify it... Anyway, they forgot to take off my cheese (ALLERGY!) and peppers (yuck) and didn't give me extra anchovy as requested. His was totally wrong (Four Seasons instead of Sloppy Giuseppe) and minus cheese (which he loves) plus anchovy (which he really doesn't). They apologised and took them both back, replacing them within 15 minutes and took the price of our pizzas off the bill. Dinner for two for £6.40 plus tip. Very decent waitress, I thought, with bright red hair.
I think that was everything. Oh yeah, I loved the film and he ate too much Pick and Mix. What a wonderful day of joyous blessings, I'm sure you'd agree. :-)
We changed our plans around and went food shopping first. By the time we'd got back, we had decided to dig out the camping stove (on which tea and lunch were cooked) and some candles to light our home. Terribly romantic, no? No internet, so guitar 'playing' ensued (much to his delight, I am sure). Even more romantic, I am sure you'd agree.
Thankfully I joined a gym about six days ago, so I decided to go (for the third time since I joined) and to then make use of their showers, which despite being the smallest in the world (no fatties are ever going to fit in these cubicles - motivation to keep going, for sure), were hot and powerful. I sat on a Swiss ball in the ladies room using a spare socket to plug my hairdryer into, to dry my wet hair. A good workout, a wonderful shower and delicious warmth. Hurrah.
The next marvellous thing was that because we had nothing else to do and were cold and hungry, we took time out to be with one another and we went out for dinner. In an attempt to steal a little more heating from someone else we thought that maybe the cinema afterwards would be a fab idea, so I bought us VIP tickets as a treat (after the cold we'd endured).
We'd decided on Yo Sushi! but then I discovered that the half price vouchers I'd intended to use were not yet in date (not until the 10th) so we settled on Pizza Express. If it hadn't been for the VIPness of the tickets, I probably wouldn't have minded, but in the spirit of trying to save money, I couldn't justify it... Anyway, they forgot to take off my cheese (ALLERGY!) and peppers (yuck) and didn't give me extra anchovy as requested. His was totally wrong (Four Seasons instead of Sloppy Giuseppe) and minus cheese (which he loves) plus anchovy (which he really doesn't). They apologised and took them both back, replacing them within 15 minutes and took the price of our pizzas off the bill. Dinner for two for £6.40 plus tip. Very decent waitress, I thought, with bright red hair.
I think that was everything. Oh yeah, I loved the film and he ate too much Pick and Mix. What a wonderful day of joyous blessings, I'm sure you'd agree. :-)