Tuesday 28 January 2014

Yoga

Just got back from mother and baby yoga and I loved it!

A large church hall, with vast windows overlooking an old cemetery, rambling ivy, crumbling headstones and sunshine streaming onto the floorboards. I did yoga with baby boy lying next to me, with baby boy underneath me, beaming and chattering, and with baby boy in my arms, being swung around with a slightly startled expression on his face.

All in all, I've decided I like mother and baby yoga. I realised I am just as bendy, strong and flexible as other people, despite being a bit stiffer and less fit than I used to be. It's all stuff I could do at home, but the drive there helps him to sleep and then he's awake and happy for an hour and then the drive home helps him to sleep and hopefully knocks him out for his long afternoon nap. The mothers apparently go for cups of tea afterwards, but I decided to come home this time, to my own mama and a yummy chicken roast.

I'm definitely signing up for the next course that starts end of February. A happy chilled out mama and a happy chilled out baby.

Sunday 26 January 2014

Numbers

Yesterday I did my first run since pre-pregnancy and I managed 40 minutes quite easily, through park land, woodland and heath, a beautiful route and a definite zone for further exploration.

Today our boy is exactly four months old. This time, four months ago, I was lying in a bed, with a hormone drip, an antibiotic drip and a saline drip, unfeeling from epidural and waiting to meet my little boy, whose face I had not yet seen.

Today I took him for his second swim and looked into the little face that is now almost as familiar as my own. Although still not quite loving it, he was more active this time, kicking his fat little legs while I propelled him forwards, first on his tummy, then on his back, and he was lifted in and out of the jacuzzi in a splishy-splashy way. I even managed to swim four grown-up lengths, while the man splish-splashed with the boy in the jacuzzi.

He doesn't seem to mind the water in his face and, again, when we showered, he turned his face into the stream of hot water, the droplets trickling down his face and resting on his long dark eyelashes.

We finished off our day of rest by taking the boy's Bakica (my Mama) for a pizza, chocolate fudge cake and tea, three generations in one space, though the littlest slept happily through our yummy adult meal.


Friday 24 January 2014

Baby massage

Baby boy had his first baby massage session and seemed to quite enjoy it, though I think it may have been a little too soothing for him - think he prefers more fun and activity. He seemed more interested in staring at other people, examining fabric prints (a recent fascination), trying to grab hold of and read the baby massage handout (he's terribly advanced don't you know, trying to read at four months), and trying to work out the rain makers that were placed around the room to help with tummy time.

I realise that I've been inadvertently doing lots of the baby massage techniques anyway, possibly instinctively adapting them from the adult massage I know how to do. Either way, the ones I do at home more often he seemed to enjoy more, and I shall definitely be doing more of this as a 'thing to do' with him when we have lots of awake time.

Arthritis

Well, the arthritis is getting better, with (sorry if too much information), post-pregnancy poo stoppages also improving simultaneously, along with the eczema on my hands. There are four things I am doing, so not sure which is helping, but out of interest they are:

1) Dietary change - no fatty meats, lots of fish, lots of whole grains, no refined sugars including no fruit juice, lots of fruit and veggies, with the exception of cutting out aubergine, tomatoes, spinach and citrus fruits - though I've been doing this a while with only minor relief
2) Lots of nettle tea
3) Acupuncture
4) Cutting out the anti-inflammatories and instead taking a very low dose of steroids for the two weeks prior to my appointment with the rheumatology department because they're (finally) worried about permanent join damage (why only now, I ask??)

Anyway, either way, something has helped. The acupuncture helped dramatically with the post-pregnancy poo stoppages and with muscle pain. Either acupuncture or nettle tea helped with the eczema. No idea what has helped with the arthritis, but it is easing and I am counting my blessings in every way.

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Fluoride, tea and arthritis symptoms

As part of my quest for relieving the symptoms of arthritis in my hands, fingers and wrists.

Recent tweet of mine:

"Fluoride causing arthritis symptoms, with a key evil being tea - very interesting...:  and

Friday 17 January 2014

Being a mama

The thing about being mama is that, for the first time, you absolutely have to always put someone else first. He needs me.

Where I've needed nurturing, I've not noticed as I've been busy nurturing my precious child. Where I've been running low on energy, what energy I had left, was for him.

I've recently been receiving acupuncture for the arthritis in my hands and have been given a lengthy massage session as a gift (which I enjoyed yesterday) and all these things increase my milk flow and make me feel full of something I'd forgotten I'd needed - that is, the feeling of being nurtured. My heart is so overflowing with love for my little helpless creature, that I'd forgotten to refill it with love for myself. I'd not noticed it was depleted of care for me.

Being a mama is a massive identity shift for me - I'll never be alone again. During my acupuncture, my child was afraid and cried out for me. He wanted to feed, to be close. I lay him on my chest, my legs and the top of my head full of needles, and he fed and was comforted throughout the session. Even during my massage, which was as enjoyable as always, my mind couldn't fully empty because I could hear a tiny heart beating across town. I could feel him smiling in his sleep. A few times I thought I heard him cry. My ears and my own heart so fully attuned to him, his sounds, his movements. I wonder when this state of alertness will lessen. I wonder when the reaction will disappear to spring fully awake at the first sign of anything being amiss.

I wonder if I will ever return to the person I was before.

I realise that I wasn't prepared for this. Pregnancy did not prepare me. It has been like walking through a one-day door into another world. There is no way back.

I've been reading some things for a while on the changes in identity during motherhood (Birth of a Mother was particularly interesting), but I didn't realise how much I would crave 'me'. I don't miss the things I did, much. I don't even miss who I was (and there was definitely someone that I was before, that I am no longer). What I miss is knowing who I am.


Monday 13 January 2014

Timing

Why is it that ten minutes into every bath I attempt to have, I end up kneeling in the water, breastfeeding the boy with his legs propped on the edge of the bath to keep them dry; or whenever I pick up my fork, of an evening, baby boy decides that NOW he's ravenous; or just as I lay my head on my pillow for a nap, the little man chooses to wake up? Why is that?

Saturday 11 January 2014

Rebirth as a mother

Wow. This article. Hit me in the heart. This is it. I can tell you that I also had a similar no-going-back rebirth when I became a counsellor. A similar, but vastly different permanent shift in awareness and self-perception.

http://www.renegademothering.com/2013/02/09/i-became-a-mother-and-died-to-live/

Friday 10 January 2014

Splash time

Baby boy had his first swim yesterday. As with his first bath, he seemed a little perturbed, but not unhappy, staring around him with his big eyes and holding tightly to his mama.

He seemed to enjoy me waving his legs around under the water and lying on his back, though he definitely needed the Konfidence wetsuit body warmer he was wearing to stop him getting cold as his little arms went mottled within minutes of going in the water. 30*C is a good temperature for toddlers, but a little chilly for an infant. Must find a warmer pool.

The highlight, for him, was the lovely hot shower afterwards. He seemed to be totally unfazed by the water trickling into his eyes and mouth and turned his face into the stream of lovely warmth as if it was just air.

We'll definitely be going swimming again, but might, as we did yesterday, spend more time in the shower than in the pool. I might also implement a few bath swimming sessions at home too, in the big bath, to get him more used to being freefloating.

Thursday 9 January 2014

What is the world coming to?

This advert was posted to me, in among other stuff I'd ordered.

I ask, when a woman needs to stick this in her thingy to tell her she's using her pelvic floor muscles, what is the world coming to?

Ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as having instructions on a pack of toothpicks.



Wednesday 8 January 2014

Expert advice

I came across a brilliantly amusing blog post, which I'll share at the end of my own post. I love it. Especially the bit about being eaten by a lion. I primarily find it reassuring.

I was starting to be mildly worried that our boy doesn't have a real night schedule and any schedule that he has doesn't really start properly until 9 or 10pm.

As with health issues for pregnancy and post-pregnancy, a lot of the advice on infant care is contradictory, confusing and not very specific, claiming to be absolutely essential, at the same time, if you don't want your baby to die.

Babies 'die' from SIDS unless they sleep on their backs on the cot/Moses basket (and nowhere else). However, babies also sleep better with their parents, as nature intended. Our boy slept on our chests for probably the first eight weeks before he was happy to lie on his back on his own. I was happier this way because I could feel him breathe and I could feel each tiny stir as he woke. I could monitor this tiny creature's reactions more accurately and immediately.

They tell you that your baby should be in a schedule at three months...but that their sleep patterns get screwed up with teething (which can happen for most of their first year), with any illness, with too much stimulation, with too little stimulation (etc etc). Our boy has no real schedule, but then what 'schedule' he does have, kind of fits in with my and the man's internal clocks so it's not surprising that our boy's internal clock is starting to emerge as similar to ours.

I was beginning to be mildly worried, as I said, with all this contradictory advice from experts. They don't half annoy me! Now, having read this fabulous piece of writing, I realise it's actually impossible to follow expert advice and all I can (and should) do, is to follow my heart and my instincts with my child. As his mother, I have to trust that I know him better than anyone else, better even than his father in some cases.* I have to trust my own instincts and be strong. I, as his mother, do know best.

Anyway, here's the blog post by Ava Neyer, mother of twins with different biological clocks. Thank you Ava!



* Though I have to acknowledge that his father's more hands-off approach has been invaluable in helping me to see how much downtime and own-space my son needs.


Monday 6 January 2014

More of the things they don't tell you

Thrush in your boobs. I've been meaning to write about this for ages. This is a long post and probably most interesting to new breastfeeding mums...and probably deeply boring to anyone else. Feel free to skip this one if you prefer!
 
It's something I had no idea even existed prior to giving birth, never mind how common it is if you breastfeed. In our antenatal classes, our breastfeeding counsellor (with her wide range of bright pink accessories and knitted breast to show us how to hand express), proudly showed us breastfeeding positions with her dolly. I often felt as if I was in the presence of an adult five year old. When I asked about pain or problems with feeding, she always insisted that if you get the positioning correct, you'll have no problems whatsoever. The latch-on is key, so she said.

This isn't true. Latch on is indeed key, but most women experience all kinds of problems with breastfeeding. I got thrush in my boobs (along with five other new mums that I know) and it was like being stabbed with needles deep within the tissue. Especially at let-down (when the milk comes in, for those not versed with the lingo). It was agony. I finally went to the GP, worrying I had mastitis (something I had actually heard of). I was immediately diagnosed with thrush.

I was given Daktarin cream, which was next to useless, and my son was given a liquid that made him projectile vomit when he accidentally swallowed it (Nystatin). I went back a week later to say it hadn't worked, but that I now also had athletes foot. Another common problem post-pregnancy, apparently. (Warts are also common, incidentally - I might as well tell you all I know). The GP told me to use the cream on my foot and gave me Fluconazole tablets to take for my boobs. To cut a long story short, the GP wouldn't give me any other treatment for my son, despite the fact he kept vomiting, which wasn't helpful as he was meant to 'hold the liquid in his mouth'. It was clearly not treating him at all, because as soon as it went in, it was washed out with vomit.

After the second course, I figured out that my disposable (anti-leak) breastpads (plastic-backed) made it worse, so I bought merino wool and silk reusables. You're meant to sit with your boobs out and free as much as possible, but when your child is born in the lead up to winter, this isn't really that feasible, so I struggled.

I ended up having five courses of treatment, all in, which, in my opinion, didn't work. 

After extensive research and questioning of more experienced mother-friends, I finally bought three rounds of very strong probiotics; bought grapefruit seed extract (GSE) liquid to apply to my nipples every hour or so and let them air dry before putting them away; used the GSE liquid to swab the inside of my son's mouth; doused my nipples in my own breastmilk and let them air dry again; bought grapefruit seed extract tablets to take internally; and cut out all yeast, sugar (including fruit juice) and refined products from my diet. Fresh food only. You cannot imagine how difficult this is with a small demanding child - not being able to snack on easy to eat food, but having to prepare all my meals from scratch. Three and a half months on and I can finally say that I'm thrush-free. Hurrah!

The NHS sucked big time for this and I have to say I've found that it has sucked for most pregnancy or post-pregnancy problems. When I was about 7.5 months pregnant, I developed awful hip pain and was told that there was nothing that could be done and I should probably stop cycling. I did so and it actually got worse, at which point I could no longer return to cycling anyway. After complaining fiercely, I was offered treatment by the physio department. Great, I thought. In fact, they were only offering me a crutch, an offer that arrived after the birth of my son, so I politely declined it. It was a good job I took matters into my own hands and attended a reflexology session, which immediately (within hours) alleviated all hip pain.

Anyway, I know this is a long post, but I'm angry at the NHS for treating only my symptoms and not trying to treat the cause. My message is that if your GP says nothing can be done, or if their treatment is not working, don't give up. Solutions are available. I have solved two of my problems myself (hip pain and thrush) and am now working on the third and final problem - reactive arthritis, also, I was told, common after pregnancy, with nothing to be done other than strong anti-inflammatories. Once this has been resolved I shall report back again.

Funny blog of the day

Came across this online, though not sure of the origin. It really made me chuckle, because it used to happen to me ALL the time in an office in Covent Garden. My own fault really as everyone else got into work early and left early...while I made it in for 10am and stayed late as a result...on my own...and eventually, regularly, in the dark.


Sunday 5 January 2014

Today's firsts

(1) I gutted and de-scaled a fish (if that's the right term) - very tasty once cooked with rosemary, lemon and garlic, but I didn't entirely enjoy the cleaning process. Not sure we'll be doing that again. Fishmonger fish only!

(2) We took down our first Christmas tree today, though we have rehoused both sets of pretty fairy lights so that they still light up our living room. Christmas is officially over and we're into the New Year, our boy's second year (technically), and my birth month. Another year older and so much wiser...

(3) I swear that baby boy is speaking. I hear the word 'hungry' (and always it is appropriate) and I am sure I am hearing the early sounds for 'I love you'.

(4) The cot has now been moved into our room so baby boy can be in his next-size-up bed. I find I feel sad, the first stage of newborn and infancy clearly gone. He's growing so quickly, his wrists fatter than his hands and his thighs so rolling in wrinkles that it's becoming difficult to clean the poo out of them!

(5) Another sign of baby boy growing bigger - we used teething powder for the first time (with miraculous instantaneous results - a powder described as 'baby crack' by some reviewers). I forget who gave us the packet (Ashton and Parsons), but THANK YOU. It's wonderful.

Our baby boy is growing teeth...soon he'll be growing a beard and all this will be over. I cherish each and every day with him, knowing that this time is going so quickly. I love him more each day, the more I get to know who he is - a little person who is super chilled out like his daddy, a little boy who is extremely sociable, but needs a lot of his own space and downtime, and, like his mama, a curious little creature who loves looking around and examining all parts of his world, constantly chattering away with a huge gummy grin on his face, seemingly convinced that we understand every word he utters. My beautiful, innocent, charming little man. :-)

Good morning!

Check out our lovely frosty morning sky. :-)