Vulnerability, shame and connection

Precursor to my post – if you can’t be bothered reading this post, skip to the end and click the link.

I just watched a video on the most important thing about being alive: connection with others. The speaker spoke about the main things that unravel connection and the words she used were ‘shame and fear’.

To my surprise, out of nowhere it seemed, on hearing the word ‘shame’ I burst into tears. The speaker was talking about the shame of not being good enough. I guess perhaps my response came from a place of understanding what shame is and how deep it can go in each one of us. It can be hard for anyone, including me, to speak of and acknowledge shame, but most of us have felt it at some point.

She speaks about those that can connect easily, that they have a deep sense of belonging and of being lovable. Belonging is something that has come upon me partly through spending time in Croatia and understanding more about where I come from, and partly through being loved by someone that I respect and value highly. I am one of the lucky ones - not to have been given those chances, but to have been able to take those chances. Not everyone is so lucky.

My wish is for a world in which people have the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves and then to others, and the desire for authenticity – to let go of who they thought they should be and to allow themselves to be who they are. It is also a wish for a world in which people see vulnerability as beautiful, as well as understanding that it is not a comfortable place to be, but that it is necessary to reach a point of connection and to find long-lasting contentment and happiness.

All this reminds me of something I saw written on a wall in Berlin years ago. I know the language used may offend some people, but I hope you can all see the sentiment behind it.

The video is here for your pleasure and inspiration.