6.15pm

At 6.15pm, post teatime, post bath time, all bedtime books having been read and milk having been consumed, my son decided he couldn't sleep and he climbed onto my chest, dropped his head and put his little arms around my body, sighed deeply and began to relax.

It took around 20 minutes for him to fall asleep and every time I tried to decant him into his 3-sided cot next to me, he whimpered a little and clung more tightly to me.

I lay in the darkness enjoying the feeling of his cool forehead on my skin, his soft fluffy hair tickling my nose and lips, the sound of his gentle breathing and the occasional shudder or whimper as he began to dream.

My mind wandered back to when I lived in Reading. At 6.15pm I would probably have been in the highly efficient mode of finishing everything for the day in the next 15 minutes or, if my day had gone well, I might be finishing my tea and turning off my computer. I loved my work. I loved the buzz of freelance. Sometimes I would be at my other job and I would have just settled down with my first client of the evening, cosy in our therapy room, my mind intently focused on another person and his or her life. I loved that work too.

Then my mind wandered further back to when I lived in London and 6.15pm was when I would think about turning off my computer and heading out to meet a friend or heading home, walking, cycling, taking the bus or taking the tube (depending on my location, the location of home and my mood), sometimes reading, sometimes listening to music, mostly watching other people, thinking about what I might eat for my dinner or feeling excited about my evening's plans. I loved London. I loved my life in London. I loved the buzz of my busy and varied weeks.

There are times I struggle, with my life as it is now, it is true, but there have always been times that I have struggled. I've never been one for a life of the mundane or for straight lines. It has always been a life of ups and downs and tangents. It has also always been a life of deep appreciation of what I have.

I felt very lucky, lying in the dark with my child, that I have had so much already in my life that I have loved, and now, with my son, I have found true love. Nothing before could have prepared me for this. Nothing before could have compared to this.