Absence

I've been absent, I know, from writing, and I'm not sure why. Is it because I'm writing elsewhere and my writing capacity is limited? Is it because the cold, short February days are causing me to hibernate and so I have less time in the day for anything? Or is it simply because I am hibernating and I'm feeling apathetic and lethargic and just can't be bothered?

I feel slightly guilty and while I have nothing to say, I feel I ought to check in.

Aha. I realise. That's why I've been absent. I have nothing to say. I'm tired. I'm using my energy to fight the cold. I'm using my energy looking at houses, which takes a surprising amount of emotional energy while I try to imagine living in a space, how it would or, rather, how I would feel in this room or that room, for hours on end, sometimes on my own. Would it, could it, feel like home?

I'm hibernating. I'm digesting. I'm processing. I have nothing to say right now. And I'm okay. I'll have more to say soon, I am sure. Spring is coming.

Being an artist

I just watched this wonderful TED talk on creativity and how to be good at art, whether it's painting, drawing, dancing, storytelling or acting. I found it hard to watch because it's subtitled, but it was well worth it for the message.

If you want to be an artist, just do it. There's no need to ask "Why?" or "What for?" It's not for any reason. We do it because it's part of what makes us feel alive.

You can access the talk by Young-ha Kim here.

The way to a man's heart

Heart shaped beef burgers! :-)

Flowers

Beauty always brings a smile to my face!

Second output from Creative Challenge 2013

Similar beads, but a different design. This one can be worn as a bracelet or as a necklace. I personally prefer the bracelet so I've posted a pic of it being worn this way, but you, whoever you are, can choose however you wish to wear it!

2013 - the year of creation

I accepted an online creative challenge for 2013 a few weeks ago. The challenge was to post my pledge on a certain social networking site and the first five people to comment on my pledge would get a gift from me, made by me. I found out about this pledge, by seeing it posted by someone else. Hopefully I'll get some exciting gifts in the post too this year (!) and in the meantime, I need to make the ones that I have promised.

Anyway, the first one to be created is a necklace, made from random beads I have in my random bead and button drawer. It was fun making it and I hope its new owner likes it! If nothing else, they can re-gift it or make something out of it. The things I create are not fixed or rigid, and I'd be happy for them to be reinvented many times.

Domestic violence

Do you find it hard to understand why women don't leave the men that abuse them? Or why men stay with women who routinely put them down? Have you found it hard to understand why you stayed with someone who was bad for you?

Leslie Steiner gives a very clear talk about her own experiences of domestic abuse, explaining how she found herself in such a relationship and why it was so hard to leave.

Considering the high levels of silence from people in such relationships, I feel passionate about sharing her story so that others voices may come out of the silence.

You can watch her talk here.



Postscript

I was once in a relationship like this. Thankfully it was in the early stages and so I was never hit, except with words. I thought he needed me and he regularly threatened to kill himself if I left him. I was only a teenager when we met. I remember feeling confused about why he was as he was and I felt sorry for him. I thought he was damaged from the abuse his father meted out to him as a child and that I was the only person who could help him or save him. He screwed with my mind and distorted my perception of reality.

Now, I am grateful for the experience, because it means I have the capacity to understand people in similar situations. I hope that others can also understand through stories like Leslie's, if we share her story, rather than having to experience it for themselves.

Tea set

It's small things that make me smile - an unexpected text from a friend, someone calling my name in town (generally someone who knows me!), spending time with those I consider to be good people, someone smiling at me, an unexpected package through the door and drinking tea from a nice tea set (among many, many other things).

It's the latter that is currently making me smile and was a lovely birthday present from a lovely friend. What is making me smile even more, is that I have just discovered that it's a two-cup pot - I can share the joy!

House music on piano

I hope this works. Love this music video so much that I had to share it with others. No idea where it comes from. If you're over 40 you might not enjoy it so much, but it reminds me of some good times in my 20s!

Peace and love to all!

All day meditation

I did an all day meditation on Saturday - a White Tantra day. Having already experienced it once - about three years ago - and knowing it created a shift in my perception that allowed me to make necessary changes to the structure of my life, I felt a need to do it again. Even though it was an early start, I knew it would be worth it.

It was less intense physically than last time, but more curious an experience. One of the 'sets' was 31 minutes long and required constant up and down movement of our arms. We had to chant a mantra while we did this, to help us get through it. It's really odd, but I heard those sitting next to me saying 'quite hard' instead of the mantra. Half way through, this changed to 'higher, lower' (as my arms moved up and down), 'power', 'fight' and 'hope'. I checked (by peeking at the time and by asking them at the end) and they didn't deviate from the mantra at all. The power of the mind is amazing in how it can give you what you need - and in my case, at this time, it was encouragement.

The day afterwards I felt emotionally very volatile, but I was somewhat sleep deprived, having arisen at 6am (a whole two hours before a sensible waking time) and then completely failed to get an early night the following night. It may have been the meditation or it may have been the lack of sleep.

Since then I've been aware of something feeling different. I feel as if something has been rewired inside me. It's like there's a vast expanse of ocean inside me, cool, calm, beautiful. It's the same feeling, I guess, as I get when I'm sitting by the shore, listening to the waves crashing against the rocks - the same kind of peace. It's as if something has been expanded and stabilised inside me, though I'm not sure where. If I had to locate it, it would be somewhere in my core, perhaps near my solar plexus, with my body being like the most incredible tardis that ever existed.

As well as this feeling of space inside me - much needed and craved for space - my brain feels more peaceful. There is less chattering inside and so I feel as if I can see further. I can see further to the horizon, I can see more to the left and right. More makes sense to me. Less confuses me. Less of the trivial stuff seems to bother me.

I can't help wondering how I'd feel if I did this kind of meditation more regularly.