Words that were never spoken

I found this in my scribblings just now; something that was written but never shared, when we were less than a year in and we were living in different countries.

It makes me smile, now, when I read it. It is a nice reminder of how things once were. I don't miss those times, but it's nice to remember them. Beautiful in a totally different way to how things are now.

“The flat seems a little empty without you.” 

I wanted to reply, “My heart feels empty without you,” but instead I said, “I know how the flat feels.” 

I haven’t spoken to him of love yet. I keep remembering that if you like someone, it is about you and your preferences, not about the other person. You like avocado or pineapple. You like a guy. If you love someone, this is not about you. You feel love for them because you see that they are lovable – it is a quality of the other person.

I can’t express to him how I feel because I don’t know. I want him to know that he is special and that I value him beyond what my words can describe. I want him to know that he is worth a lot to me. I see his heart; I see his essence. When we lie next to one another, just looking at each other – I see the light in his eyes, I stroke the lines of his face and I see indescribable beauty.

I see the light in his eyes and I wonder if he loves me. I wonder if I love him.