Toronto and the old man

I had a dream last night that had a very clear and real quality to it. I dreamed I was playing in the park, on the slides and swings, but still as an adult. An old man was watching me. He was tall, slightly balding, with a beard and maybe a moustache, but trimmed so short it seemed more like face art than hair. All his hair was a very clean and consistent grey. His face was long and wrinkled and his eyes sparkled as if connected to some source of inner light.

He took a shine to me, this old man did, and we ended up chatting. He took me to his home and made me some tea and we talked and talked. His home was a mish-mash of random pieces of old furniture, falling apart, disordered and chaotic - like his mind, some valuable gems hidden among the old rickety mess that was all I saw at first glance. He told me he'd been very influential in his life, a film director or some such thing and that he'd loved it. He'd been lucky to do something he loved and to be good at it, he knew this. He showed me old photos of the life he had had. Eventually I decided I needed to leave, so I could find my brother.

As his parting words, he told me that whatever I want to do in life, I can. Whatever I choose to do, I will do. He said that if I'm struggling (and here I thought he was going to offer me help), that I must have faith in myself and know that everything I need, I already have. I just have to keep trying and all will become clear. I have to trust myself.

He suggested I get a cab to my brother's as it would only take 20 minutes. We hugged and I said goodbye, thinking that I would see him or speak to him soon, but as I left and he left I remembered I'd not taken his email address.

On my way to find a cab, the quality of the dream changed to something more dream-like, less controlled, more volatile and unpredictable, slightly anxious. It ended with me jumping into a horse and cart to go to my brother's house in Toronto (paucity of cabs, it would seem). I awoke, very disappointed I'd not seen my brother, until I remembered the man and his words. Big brother in Toronto will have to wait a little longer, I guess. I miss him.