Calms and storms

Well, after a surprisingly long and difficult week, today has been remarkably pleasant.

Although I didn't get to sleep until gone 11pm last night and was woken many times over night, eventually seeking sleep in the spare room at 4am, I feel good. I had a lovely solid chunk of three hours sleep! Sleep deprivation isn't always the big drama it sometimes feels like.

The man is away tonight, he left at noon, so this morning was 'me' time and I chose to attend a yoga session. Not a mother and baby yoga, an ordinary yoga, although I do now realise that it may always feel like a mother and baby yoga without the baby. He was hovering around the periphery of my mind. Previously, when I yoga-ed, I would be distracted by the things I needed to do at home, or what I might have for my next meal, or the fabulous muscles of the chap in front of me (etc.) but this time I was distracted by nothing except the occasional pitter patter of little feet across my mind. It was different and it was good. I loved the yoga, I loved the teacher and I found myself again. Repartee returned to me. Cheekiness returned. I returned.

I also returned home, the same as the me that left, but also somehow different. I was calmer, happier, excited to see my son again after such a long time away (two whole hours) and peaceful.

I had a lovely day on my own with the boy today. Sometimes I am holding out for the man to return, finally bored of my new life in the last hour of my day alone with my child. As much as I love my son and as much as he is the absolute joy of my life, babies can be boring. Or, rather, the repetitive routine of life with a dependent, can feel boring. Today it didn't. I took pleasure in all the small things we did together - meal times; cleaning my son, the floor, the table, his highchair and myself after meal times; playtime; rocking him to sleep for his naps; chatting together as he slowly wakes after his naps. All these things felt precious and I was reminded again of how important it is for each person to have his or her own space, so that they can be fully present with those they love when they are ready to share their space again.

As an aside, my son has very happily discovered spring onions and so I am now residing with two (potentially) stinky-onion-breath people. Thankfully his other current favourites are baby sweetcorn, mange tout, avocado, gluten-free toast (in preference to other bakery produce), cucumber, sweet potato chips and basil leaves. All massively less offensive in the breath department. I did try to introduce him to fresh mint leaves, but he wasn't having any of it.

Right - the beep and scent of fresh bread calls. I shall settle down for the evening with a good TV show and a pile of hot bread and honey.