Sleeping like a baby

In the last eight months, I have often wondered why people use the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' to mean 'sleeping well'. It is true that once he is out, he is out for the count (for at least half an hour!), but he definitely doesn't sleep like a log. I think a log is a better thing to compare a sound sleeper to, than a baby. Yes, yes I do.

I've been feeling a bit pressured of late to make him sleep through the night, as so many other babies his age do (facilitated by sleep training, formula, heavier evening meals or other means), but I have not as yet found a method that feels right for us.

Since training to be a counsellor, I have become very in tune with and aware of my feelings. I don't always know what they are, but I know that they're there. I have been feeling a certain discomfort and anxiety about the little one's sleep and put it down to feeling the need to 'sort it out', but very (very) recently I've realised that it's the opposite issue - it's about feeling strongly that I don't want to 'sort it out', but to follow a baby-led approach.

There's so much advice available from experts about sleep training and how if you don't train them early, they will require nursing, rocking or other assistance with falling asleep FOREVER. The thing is, college students don't need to be rocked to sleep. In tribal societies, babies are held and rocked and soothed so much more than our Western babies and they don't need this all their lives.

I know some women, close friends of mine, who took the approach of holding, rocking, soothing, taking a baby-led approach to sleep, and their babies perhaps were much more demanding for the first couple of years than other babies - they took more energy, they woke more in the night, they fed more over night, they struggled to fall asleep on their own wanting the soothing presence of their mamas - but as they have grown into toddlers and young children, I have noticed how much more confident and independent they seem than other children their age. This could be coincidence, I know, but I am noticing (as I write) that I feel a need to support my decision with anecdotal evidence (in the absence of other evidence), as if I am afraid that someone will come out and tell me I'm doing it wrong. I feel fierce about this.

I have a sense that I have the opportunity to put in some hard work now - a chance that won't come back to me when he's older - and that it might be difficult right now - it might mean I often suffer sleep deprivation, but it feels right for us.

I have finally decided that my little boy will learn how to fall asleep on his own in his own time. He will learn to sleep through the night, when he's ready. I have realised that this is what I believe, contrary to much of the expert advice I have been given since he was born. Yes, I will take some advice - I will try giving him water over night sometimes rather than milk, especially when he eats more food or it has been a hot day; I will let him 'be' a little more, rather than assuming he needs me at all times when falling asleep; I will sometimes walk away and leave him alone, returning only if he cries (but I won't leave him to cry if he sounds distressed). He's already making signs to me not to rock or nurse him to sleep, that he wants to fall asleep on his own (pushing me away and looking longingly at his cot) - and sometime he does, very successfully, rolling onto his side or front, with bum in the air, clinging onto his bunny blankie, rubbing it into his face - whereas other times he still wants the extra comfort of me holding him. Sometimes he is okay with me walking away and leaving him on his own to fall asleep. Other times he screams and cries and doesn't want to be alone. Sometimes he barely eats/feeds overnight; and other times he needs a lot more. Bit by bit, he gains more confidence and a greater ability to self-soothe. As we've taken only a baby-led feeding and weaning approach (for breast milk and solids), I want to take this approach with sleep too. It feels consistent and it feels right.

I feel so much better having made this decision, again, as I have a few times since he was born, but each time I make this decision, I process more, and I add greater detail to my belief system around baby sleep.

Who knew that so much thought and contemplation and decision making would be involved in every single tiny step of my baby's development? Who knew how strongly I would feel about doing it 'our' way? Yeah, that sentence makes me smile - a genuine, happy, satisfied smile. That's how I know that this is right for us. :-)