Twins

I've been waking up at 5.10am, every morning for the last week and I have no idea why. This is very unusual for me. I am normally a great little sleeper. This morning, therefore, found me insanely grumpy, for all of about 10 minutes until my housemate managed to distract me with his endless chatter, though I am left with the residue of a grump which I think will remain in my system for some hours yet.

Ever since the London bombings, uneasy nights have bothered me. For two weeks before those, I would wake every night following nightmares of bloody, dismembered bodies and I would see limbs all around my room. For two weeks beforehand and no longer. They stopped the night of the bombs. I never had anything like that since. I am sure one week of uneasy nights are nothing, but still, they make me slightly uncomfortable.

I was reading My Sister's Keeper last night too, which didn't help. I dreamed I was about seven years old again and I was with my twin sister and I was telling people I had leukaemia. I was crying, but more for my sister's loss, than for mine. The twin relationship is a very special one, something that I am not sure singlets really get. It is special and wonderful, but you do get used to that person being there always and that is not always a good thing. You have to try much harder to learn about being on your own and being your own person, because as a child everyone refers to you as 'the twins' and you get cards for the pair of you, rather than one each, so you start to send cards from both of you, rather than one each. You want to be on your own, yet you want to take your twin with you. You worry about yourself, but you worry more about your twin. Their well-being and happiness must be ensured (or at least on the horizon) in order for yours to be complete. The relationship between the sisters in this book reminded me very much of the twin relationship and I woke up missing mine.

I must be due on. I am never this grumpy usually.